Always outstanding in his field — of corn
Whoa, Granny! Turns out that Keith Jackson, the collegefootball icon who died at 89 on Jan. 12, cut his broadcasting teeth as a farm kid in western Georgia. As Jackson once recalled: “My grandmother said to my mother, ‘You’d better go out there and talk to your kid. I think he’s crazy ‘cause he’s running around in the cornfield, talking to himself.’ “And, I was not talking to myself — I was sending Walter Mitty over the goal-line at the Rose Bowl.”
HEADLINES
At TheOnion.com: “Bannon forced to cancel ‘Muscle & Fitness’ cover shoot to testify before grand jury.”
At SportsPickle.com: “Steelers vow to bounce back strong at Pro Bowl.”
UNCIRCLE THE DATE
Jan. 15 — the third Monday of January — was Blue Monday, supposedly the most depressing day of the year. “You sure it wasn’t the day before?” asked a New Orleans Saints fan.
PLENTY OF BITE
Two golfers got quite a surprise when they approached the 10th hole at Fiddler’s Creek in Naples, Fla. — a fight to the death between an alligator and Burmese python. Not to give the ending away or anything, but alert course marshals awarded the gator a 1-up win in match play.
TWEET OF THE WEEK
From the Chicago Tribune, deftly avoiding any mention of Packers QB Aaron Rodgers: “Racing driver and Bears fan Danica Patrick confirms she’s dating ‘Bachelorette’ winner’s brother.”
BAD CALL
No truth to the rumour that the Hawaiian civil defence employee who sent out the false missile attack alert was a former NFL replacement official.
NOT SO FAST THERE
Police in Sunrise, Fla., nabbed Jets receiver Robby Anderson going 105 mph in a 45 zone. Well, that’s one way of getting good separation.
ENVELOPE, PLEASE
Amazon just pared its list of prospective cities for its new headquarters from 238 down to 20. So what do they think this is — the business equivalent of the Butkus Award watch list?
DIVOT ALERT
PGA Tour players in Honolulu for the Sony Open got quite a jolt Jan. 13 when that erroneous incoming ballistic-missile missive was sent out. Witnesses say they’d never seen a golfer wish he’d wind up in a bunker before.
TALKING THE TALK
Former college roommate Travis Krol, to the Detroit Free Press, on why Patriots defensive co-ordinator Matt Patricia sports a beard: “He’ll probably kill me, but he’s got dimples. You can’t be a coach of men with dimples.”
Vin Scully, to the L.A. Times, recalling the time he played golf with fellow broadcasting icon Keith Jackson: “He was not only a great player, but he kindly spent a lot of time helping me look for my ball.”
ROBBIN’ HOOD
Jazz guard Rodney Hood slapped a cellphone out of a fan’s hand on the way to the locker-room after he was ejected from a game, so the NBA fined him $35,000. And you thought your teenager’s last Verizon bill was expensive?
QUOTE MARKS
Dieter Kurtenbach of the San Jose Mercury News, on the Raiders kowtowing to the league by voluntarily playing a home game in London three years running: “If the NFL says the Raiders need to host a home game in Siberia, Mark Davis might mutter something bad under his breath, but then he’s going to buy a parka.”
Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, on the Browns’ just-completed 0-16 season: “Cleveland fans rock. Often in the fetal position every Sunday in football season.”
Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World Herald, after a collision left Rangers left winger Jimmy Vesey playing most of a game with two teeth embedded in his lower lip: “It’s not as gross as it sounds — he’s pretty sure one of the teeth is his.”
RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on a study claiming many past Winter Olympic sites locations will soon be too warm to host the Games again. “The first indicator? Life guards and flotation devices around the skating venues.”
Unnamed MLB scout, to the Toronto Sun, with the lowdown on new Blue Jay Yangervis Solarte: “He can play multiple positions, but is below average at all of them.”
Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on Dennis Rodman’s DUI arrest: “I’m just going to assume that he was on his way to North Korea.”
Blogger TC Chong, on why it’d be a good idea for the Koreas to send a united squad to the 2020 Summer Olympics, too: “North Korea’s pole-vaulting team is already in South Korea.”