Do you tell when you lose a gift?

Q: A loved one gets you a nice gift, like jewelry, but you end up losing it. Should you tell them, or just buy another to replace it?

A: How you handle a lost gift situation depends on the virtues that matter to you, what you know about the person and the outcomes you are willing to accept.

First, if you are heartbroken and can’t afford to replace it, will your loved one accept your regret? This could draw you closer. Or will they believe you don’t value them because you didn’t take better care of what they gave you? This could push you apart.

Second, if you or your loved one value honesty, then buying another one to replace it without telling would create a secret. The secret might decrease trust between you. If the virtue is financial responsibility, then to buy another one might create hardship and not be an option.

It’s up to you to decide the effects of telling or replacing since you have to live with the decision.

— Charlaine Avery, relationship repair counsellor

A: If the jewelry was a high-ticket item or an irreplaceable heirloom, consider these options based on your relative’s disposition and your closeness to them:

Tell the truth and seek their assistance. They love you enough to give you precious jewelry. Coming clean may help you both recover some of its value.

Some credit card companies have policies in place to assist their customers with lost or stolen purchases. If you’re lucky, the heirloom may be ensured.

—Susan Winter, relationship expert