Here’s hoping no one knuckles under
So, what will they sell at the concessions stands? Knuckle sandwiches and cauliflower ears?
Cheyenne, Wyo., is set to host the country’s first bare-knuckle boxing card since 1889 on June 2, using current professional boxers and former UFC and Bellator fighters.
Which certainly doesn’t give any John L. Sullivan wannabes much time to grow their handlebar moustaches.
Headlines
• At SportsPickle.com: “Report: Patriots stockpiling draft picks in hopes of taking a quarterback who can catch.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Report: Pyeongchang Olympic athletes already falling into state of disrepair.”
Paging Ernie Banks
Wisconsin cancelled its spring football game after weather forecasts called for heavy rain and thunderstorms.
Rumour has it the Badgers plan to make it up next year with a day-night doubleheader.
Soccer to me
The Giants scored 1 or 0 runs in six of their first nine games this season.
On the bright side, though, they’re already up to third in our latest MLS power rankings.
Get me marketing
Hear about the next MLB brainstorm aimed at hippies and stat nerds?
They plan to call it Make Love, Not WAR Night.
Green and bear it
Patrick Reed has been spotted seemingly everywhere since winning the Masters, still wearing his green jacket.
The movie-theatre stop proved a bit awkward, however, when patrons wouldn’t stop handing him their tickets.
Catch & release
Does anyone else find it bizarre that, right after the NFL finally clarified its definition of what constitutes a catch, the Cowboys drop Dez Bryant?
The Natural
If 5 1/2-foot Astros star Jose Altuve ever needs to do some injury rehab in the minors, we’ve found the perfect team to do it with: the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp.
Gone Fishing Dept.
The laughingstock Miami Marlins are trying to get out of a local lawsuit by claiming the franchise is actually headquartered in the British Virgin Islands.
What, the Bermuda Triangle wasn’t available?
Metaphor central
Reports of a tiger walking around New York City turned out to be merely a large raccoon.
In other words, the animalkingdom equivalent of preseason Yankee hype.
Bruise problem
The rate of MLB batters getting hit by pitches is up 17 per cent over 2017.
In a related story, the AL East has just been renamed the Black and Blue Division.
Just wondering
Why don’t tennis players celebrate a big championship by cutting down the net?
Talking the talk
• Golfer Dustin Johnson, to the
New York Post, on why the spectre of a huge wedding with longtime partner Paulina Gretzky doesn’t faze him: “That bill is going to Wayne.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the Phillies beat the Marlins 20-1: “MLB doesn’t need a pitch clock, it needs a mercy rule.”
• Ex-Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden, 88, on getting old: “(Wife) Ann was going to let me hide my own Easter eggs this year.”
Them’s the rules
Reporter A.J. Bayatpour of Milwaukee’s WITI-TV is off the air — at least temporarily — following his arrest for allegedly punching reporter Ben Jordan of rival station WTMJ three times at a Brewers-Cubs game.
Well, duh — three strikes and you’re out.
Crying in their beer
A truck carrying beer kegs fell off an overpass in Pennsylvania.
Frat boys coast to coast immediately took three days of bereavement leave.
Wrong fighting spirit
Hapoel Holon, Israel’s top basketball team, released league scoring leader Glen Rice Jr. for punching a teammate in the face in the locker-room.
Or, as Rice apologists tried to spin it, he was merely boxing out.
Paging Sean Spicer
Ronda Rousey teamed up with Kurt Angle and won in her WrestleMania debut.
Now that right there is some real fake news!
April-June Madness
The NBA playoff field is set, although the first four out — the Nuggets, Clippers, Pistons and Hornets — were wondering why they didn’t get a play-in game.
Solid defence
Packers receiver Trevor Davis was charged with making “criminal threats” at LAX after allegedly asking his female companion if she “remembered to pack the explosives.”
Defence lawyers are expected to argue that Davis can’t be a bomb threat: His longest NFL catch covered just 29 yards.
Zigging and zagging
Florida State quarterback Deondre Francois has been cited for misdemeanour possession of marijuana.
Well, the scouting reports do say that say he’s pretty good on rollouts.
Wining in Cleveland
Adults should average no more than one alcoholic drink per day, according to a new international study.
With the obvious exception of, say, Browns fans.
Multiple choice
Three reasons the A’s averaged just 8,653 fans for a four-game series against the Rangers, from Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com:
• “It is early in the season and the weather is not great.”
• “The team is not very good.”
• “The stadium experience is better than being in a Porta Potty — but not much better.”
Injury of the Year
Golfer John Daly hurt his knee during Masters week after he jumped to avoid a car that struck his parked RV while he was standing in the parking lot of the Augusta Hooters.
43 over par
The Senior Tour lives! Don
Byers, 61, plays on Bellevue (Neb.) University’s seven-man golf team. Even more amazing: He’s a freshman.
Quote marks
• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, after Mark McGwire said he could have hit 70 home runs without using PEDs: “Yes, and I could have driven to Los Angeles without my car.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on U.S. gold-medal curler Joe Polo naming his daughter Ailsa after the Scottish island that produces the stone for curling rocks: “The kid already feels taken for granite.”
• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, after ex-Jazz forward Trey Lyles, in a podcast, said “Utah should be there” on any list of the NBA’s worst cities: “Other cities making Lyles’ list: Michigan, Wisconsin, Tennessee and California.”
• Red Sox infielder Brock Holt, to USA Today, after three players and a coach got ejected in a 10-7 New York win at Fenway: “Typical Yankees-Red Sox game. About four hours long. A couple of bench-clearing brawls. We’re right on track here.”
Look who’s talking
• Reader Chas K., to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, on the local NFL fan experience: “Isn’t it more accurate to describe the Browns’ ineptitude since 1999 as a tradition unlike any other?”
• Punter Marquette King, to NFL.com, on conjecture that unsportsmanlike-conduct penalties, post-kick celebrations and social-media postings led to his release by the Raiders: “If those things were an issue, just sit down and tell me. I can be a zombie if you want me to.”
• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., looking on the bright side as the head count totalled only 974 in attendance for a Rays-White Sox game in Chicago: “All the fans bought a hotdog and beer, so the team still made $3 million from the concession stands.”
This 3’s not a crowd
What’s rarer in baseball than an unassisted triple-play? Nats pitcher Max Scherzer, in a 2-0 win over the Braves, joined Nolan Ryan as the only pitchers since 1920 to throw a shutout, record double-digit strikeouts and steal a base in the same game.