(NOT SO) Deep thoughts
A few nose-pleasing thoughts to enjoy on this National Sense of Smell Day ...
THE JOHNNY LARUE SPECIAL
If you’re not much of a runner but have occasionally thought the communal aspect of the Around The Bay Race looks like fun, there is a race for you. Ladies and gentlemen, The Boerne 0.5k For Underachievers.
The May 4 run in Texas kicks off outside a brewery with a beer and then travels half a kilometre ... to another beer station. En route, there is a coffee and doughnut stand at the midway point for carb loading — this is where you’ll also find the designated smoking area — as well as a medical tent for those struggling with the exertion.
All who finish get a T-shirt, a medal, “a pretentious oval Eurostyle” windshield sticker and a finish-line photo. And for those willing to pay the extra $25 for the VIP option, you don’t even have to run.
Are you listening, Around The Bay folks? This needs to happen here as part of next year’s 125th anniversary race.
JUST PLAY
Here’s hoping the day comes that soccer finally decides penalty kicks are an embarrassing way to determine a champion of anything. It does nothing to help or enhance the sport and makes a mockery of whatever title is up for grabs (and, yes, the same holds true for international hockey).
It was stupid in the 1994 World Cup. It was stupid in the 1999 Women’s World Cup. It was stupid in the 2016 MLS championship. It was stupid in Wednesday’s CONCACAF Champions League final. And it’s been stupid in every other case a champion has been decided via this route.
Just play the game until there’s a winner. It’s not complicated.
OUR SCORE
Seems the Hamilton Bulldogs have a lucky score.
Between the AHL and OHL, the Bulldogs have now been to the finals four times. In each semifinal they won at least one game 2-1. In 1997 they did it against Albany, in 2003 they did it against Binghamton, in 2007 they did it against Chicago and on Thursday, they did it against Kingston.
The one time they won the championship — 2007 against Hershey — the score of the deciding game was 2-1.
BEEN A WHILE
In Thursday’s game, the tying goal was scored by low-scoring defenceman Justin Lemcke (nine goals this regular season) and the winner was scored by even-lower-scoring defenceman Connor Walters (three goals this year). How unlikely was that scoring
duo?
Only once previously this season did they both score in the same game. That was Nov. 10 when Hamilton beat Erie 7-4. Walters’ tally was his first winning goal since Feb. 24, 2016, and only the second of his OHL career.
GREAT. OR NOT GREAT
The experts are unanimous about the Buffalo Bills’ two picks in the first round of the NFL draft. If, by unanimous, you mean they completely disagree 180 degrees on everything. In short, the Bills are either Einsteinian geniuses or Lloyd Christmas-esque idiots. Some pundits gave them an A+ and some game them an F.
Question: If these talking heads are actually experts rather than merely bloviating windbags, shouldn’t there be some kind of consensus?
MIXED MESSAGES
It was intended as an inspirational and stunning moment when Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker Ryan Shazier walked out onto the stage at the draft just five months after suffering a devastating spinal injury in a game. And it was.
That said, on a night dozens of young men were excitedly launching their pro careers and millions of fans were cheering the prospects of their teams’ futures, bringing him out was a bit of an odd decision since this was a rather sobering reminder to these young men about what this game could do to them.
THE PICTURE OF SUBTLETY
Lest you think the Vegas Golden Knights used up all their showy ideas for their pre-game extravaganza in the first round, think again. The nine-minute opening act prior to the secondround curtain raiser against the Sharks once again featured an over-the-top narrator — “Our Golden knights face a new foe, from the depths of San Jose” — a wandering lantern carrier of indeterminate purpose, the drum line with illuminated drums, the castle, the giant smoking helmet and the epilepsy-inducing strobe lights.
But this time they added animation of a shark swimming under the ice, readings of preseason predictions that the home team wouldn’t be very good, scenes from “Apocalypse Now” led by the blowing of the cavalry bugle, rousing classical-choral music in the style of “O Fortuna,” and a heavy metal version of Wagner’s “Rise of the Valkyries.”
Early plans for the Stanley Cup final, if they can get that far, include Celine Dion having her head shaved by David Copperfield at centre ice while Cirque de Soleil does backflips on white tigers under a steady arena cooling drizzle of Elvis sweat.
THEY LOVE ’EM
Those who wondered if the Golden Knights would capture the interest of the locals need not worry. Game 1 of the expansion team’s second-round series against San Jose earned a 19 share on Vegas TV, meaning one out of every five televisions in the city was tuned to the game.
PLAY THE KID
No, Auston Matthews wasn’t terrific in the Maple Leafs’ playoff series against Boston. Still, he is one of the game’s young superstars and Toronto’s best player. A guy you’d want on the ice a lot to see if he could find some rhythm and maybe find some magic.
So it seems a little odd that 125 players in the post-season have seen more ice time per game than the defending rookie of the year. Crazier still, Matthews averaged 17:32 a game which was just 10 seconds more than noted nonsuperstar Roman Polak.
JUUUUUST A BIT BEHIND
Yes, it’s still early but the Baltimore Orioles are already 13.5 games out of first place in the American League East. This puts them on pace to finish 81 games behind.
That won’t happen. But the current modern-era record for games behind at the end of a season is 65.5 by the 1909 Boston Doves. In the past 50 years, the mark is 47 held by the 2003 Detroit Tigers. That last one might be reachable.
GOOD DAY TO CALL IN SICK
It’s generally wise not to make wild, over-the-top promises. Especially in a public forum.
Proof ? Shortly before Thursday’s first round of the NFL draft, Cleveland sports talk-show host Aaron Goldhammer said he would eat ... brace yourself here ... horse poop if the Browns took quarterback Baker Mayfield first overall. Which they did.
The world now waits to see if he’s a man of his word. Or a man with common sense and a solid excuse.