I think it’s time my 82-year-old mom stopped driving

I’m sad that she’ll lose some of her freedom. How do I start this loaded conversation?

Q: Is there any good way to start the conversation with your parents about no longer driving?

My mother has never been a great driver, but at 82 I really worry about her on the road. She’s easily distracted and her reflexes are not good, and she doesn’t have enough movement of her head and neck to look well when she backs out of driveways.

I know this is a loaded conversation and it makes me sad that she will lose some of her freedom, but I can’t have her start to be a danger to herself.

A: A danger to herself, and to everyone else on the road! The sooner you bring this up, the better. You do not want to be having this conversation in a reactive way, after an incident like a traffic stop (or worse). If you need backup, your mom’s general practitioner might be able to offer a reality check at a physical checkup. But it’s up to you to raise this.

Go into the discussion with empathy and clear goals. Have a specific plan to help dampen the blow: if she doesn’t drive anymore, how will she get to A, B and C? The more logistical help you have already worked out, the better.

Leave room for listening, because if she feels heard, it will be easier for her.

Q: I am a miserably jealous person — in secret. I hate it when friends get something I want. I am still annoyed my brother got all our parents’ attention growing up. I secretly am glad when things go wrong for people that had everything going right. I feel like a horrible person about this, and a fraud.

My friends would say I’m kind and caring. And yet I’m constantly resentful of them inside. It feels good to admit this, even if it makes me a bad person.

A: You keep calling yourself a bad person. And yet you are fighting a great battle to be outwardly kind even when you’re suffering a storm inside — sounds more like a good trait to me. You use your brother as a breezy example, but I’m guessing your family history probably plays a large role in bringing this about.

Most of us have jealous feelings at some point, even toward people we adore. Their duration, intensity and frequency exist on a spectrum, with some of us falling prey to them far more than others.

Your propensity toward this could have grown more severe for any number of reasons, just like the multitude of reasons that people develop depression, anxiety, rage or a debilitating fear of mayonnaise.

Admitting this is a nice first step, as is trusting me when I say it doesn’t make you a bad person. But you’ll have to explore the roots and work through them if you want to get better. A skilled professional can help.

Bonior, a clinical psychologist, is author of “The Friendship Fix.”