How do you like him now, Aaron?
You thought your NFL team’s top draft choice left a bad taste in your mouth?
ESPN Cleveland radio host Aaron Goldhammer said he’d “eat horse poop” if the Browns took Oklahoma QB Baker Mayfield with the No. 1 pick. They did, so he says he will.
Lucky thing Goldhammer doesn’t work in Baltimore. QB Lamar Jackson — who fell all the way to the Ravens at 32 — vowed he’s coming to town with two chips on his shoulder.
Rolling in the dough
Pizza Hut awarded the “pi pick” (3.14) in this year’s NFL draft — Texas linebacker Malik Jefferson, chosen by the Bengals — a year’s worth of free pizzas.
We shudder to think what 4.20 got.
Get to work, Kid
April 26, in case you missed it, was America’s annual Take Our Sons and Daughters to Work Day.
“Been there, done that,” said Ken Griffey Sr.
Let’s do the Twist
April 26 was also U.S. National Pretzel Day.
Or, as we prefer to call it, Don’t Mess with a WWE Rassler Day.
Braking bawl
Dodgers manager Dave Roberts benched Cody Bellinger for settling for a double instead of a triple.
Apparently Bellinger heard about that short stop between second and third.
Cup won’t runneth over
Moscow says it will limit alcohol sales at this summer’s World Cup.
In keeping with the theme, servers will be dressed as referees when they card you.
Herd in passing
Forget the Bambino. Hear about the curse of Rob Deer?
A high school baseball game in Manitou Springs, Colo., was delayed 10 minutes when two wandering mule deer took the field.
Political basketball
Dennis Rodman says he deserves some credit for greasing the summit between Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump.
Next thing you know The Worm will be claiming he’s the one who got LiAngelo Ball out of China.
All kidding aside
The two youngest players in Major League Baseball — Ronald Acuna Jr., 20, and Ozzie Albies, 21 — both homered for the Braves in a win over the Reds.
Not that they’re young or anything but ... after the game teammates took them to Dairy Queen.
Talking the talk
• Blogger Chad Picasner, on thumb-happy umpires: “Can you imagine a game with Country Joe West, Balking Bob Davidson and Angel Hernandez all doing their thing? I guarantee we’d end up with about six players on a side left by the ninth inning.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after Carmelo Anthony said he’ll refuse to play a bench role for the Thunder next season: “Proving once again: Maybe you can’t cure cancer, but you can sometimes trade it.”
Four wide ones
Corpulent Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval pitched a 1-2-3 ninth inning in mop-up duty
in a 15-6 loss to the Dodgers.
His teammates, we assume, now refer to his fastball as the Panda Express.
Chew on this
Adweek reported that Amsterdam, which annually cleans 3.3 million pounds of chewing gum off its streets, is converting it into a new type of rubber and producing sneakers called Gumshoes.
With an NFL model, we assume, called The Ditka.
Smoke screen
Charles Woodson, Michigan’s 1997 Heisman Trophy winner, promised UM graduates that the Wolverines will end their sixyear losing streak to rival Ohio State on Nov. 24.
But just in case he’s wrong, Wolverine fans: Legalizing marijuana will be on the ballot in Michigan in the November election.
Hold your licker
The NHL told Bruins left winger Brad Marchand to quit licking opposing players.
Hey, it’s better than trying to stick his tongue on a frozen goalpost.
Pass the Allen wrench
Scientists in Singapore created a robot that can put together an Ikea chair in roughly 20 minutes.
So now it’s on even tougher challenges, like assembling a roster for the Cincinnati Reds.
Quote marks
• Utah football coach Kyle Whittingham, when reporters asked if he got a thank-you card from Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott after the Utes provided the “1” in the conference’s 1-8 bowl record last season: “I’m sure it’s in the mail.”
• New Raiders coach Jon Gruden, to reporters, on critics who panned him for using first- and third-round draft picks on offensive tackles: “We’re not playing seven-on-seven here. We don’t get to count steamboats or three Mississippi before they rush.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Bleacher Report called the UFC heavyweight championship “the hardest title to keep”: “For my money it’s world’s oldest man.”
• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on QB Tom Brady says he’s taking The Fifth when asked if he feels the Patriots appreciate him: “What does he want, his $14-million paycheque gift-wrapped and scented with perfume?”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on the Colorado man who survived bites by a rattlesnake, a bear and a shark in a four-year period: “My advice to him is to avoid the Westminster Dog Show at all costs.”
• Former Chiefs RB Larry Johnson, via Twitter, after the team notified him that he still hadn’t cashed a cheque for $1,238.11 issued in 2010: “This is a first . ... I’ve never gotten a letter from an ex before telling me I left money at their house.”
• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on the dream that awoke him in a cold sweat: “I was the sideline reporter at a pantomime competition.”
Stat of the Week
From CBSsports.com’s John Breech: If Larry Johnson had cashed that cheque eight years ago and put it all toward Amazon stock, it would now be worth $14,408.