The dream of becoming a mother
If we are to end gender-based violence we must Be More Than A Bystander
May is a wonderful month. It brings spring, new beginnings, and is the month we celebrate Mother’s Day.
When we are young the future appears so open. Over the years, many of us have heard the aspirations of children and their hopes for their future. Many of these aspirations were created from what they learned at school, and, from what they have witnessed and watched first hand from family, friends, movies and social media. For many, the dreams shared have involved becoming parents and raising children.
It is a popular saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. We often think of that in terms of career goals, but it is true in every area of our life. Aside from our own mothers who would be for most of us our prime example, there are our friends, and other family members that probably make up our five people of influence. For many of us mothering/caregiving is instinctual, but for others it is a consciously learned skill, and this is one of the main reasons why moms and other caregivers need active and engaged community support.
As active community participants we all have important roles to play, perhaps as a school/club mentor or as the primary adult who cares for and protects a child. These roles are special. If we are Moms, or a child’s designated primary caregiver, we are given the gift of nurturing, guiding and growing young lives with parental love. It is the most special and significant role: the role of mentoring children to become healthy contributing members of society.
Not all women though wish to have children or be the prime caregiver of a child, but, generally, the majority do, and count on having a stable partnership in which to raise their children. But dreams don’t always come true and plans can suddenly falter. What if our childhood aspirations don’t come true? What happens when our dream of being in a relationship and co-parenting together does not exist? What if the partner we are sharing our life with slowly begins to mistreat us? What if our choice to
have a child later in life is taken from us due to a pregnancy resulting from rape? What if our dreams of a stable partnership become the reality of domestic abuse? According to the United Nations, child marriage is still prevalent worldwide resulting in early pregnancy and social isolation increasing her risk of experiencing domestic violence.
Domestic abuse or intimate partner violence, is one of the most common forms of violence against women in Canada. Abuse is not just physical. Abuse can also be emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, psychological and social. This can include coercion, threats, intimidation, putdowns, isolation, and any behaviour that is intended to control, humiliate or harm. Women are nearly four times more likely to experience intimate partner violence (Statistics Canada). This gender-based violence has significant economic costs. The estimated costs of intimate partner violence against Canadian women alone are $7.4 billion per year. These costs include financial (time off work, loss of employment, place of residence, and moving costs), medical (physical, emotional, mental stress for women and children), among others.
Although 80 per cent of domestic violence victims tell family or friends of their situation, only 30 per cent report the abuse to the police. So, what can we each do if we suspect that a family member, friend or coworker
is in a situation of genderbased violence? We need to be part of their five people of influence. Here are some ways we can each help. The most important thing is to talk to her about what you see and assure her that you are concerned. Sometimes abusive behaviour can be viewed as normal, especially, if this is a first relationship or if it has gradually happened over time. Know that you or she can call the Assaulted Women’s Helpline, your local shelter, or, in an emergency, the police.
As a community we have a responsibility to each other. If we are truly to end gender-based violence we must all stand up and Be More Than A Bystander. May is a perfect month to start doing so as it is Sexual Assault Prevention month. Mother’s Day comes once a year. The ability of honouring Moms, women and children is in everyone’s ability every day.
If you would like information about gender-based violence, domestic abuse/intimate partner abuse, Be More Than A Bystander and other Interval House of Hamilton programs, or would like to donate or volunteer, visit our website at intervalhousehamilton.org or call our business line.
Interval House of Hamilton 24hour Crisis Line is 905-387-8881, our business line is 905-387-9959.