Just let Bullwinkle play through
What could be worse than a dogleg left? Four moose legs — left and right.
An angry Bullwinkle charged two golfers at Utah’s Park City Golf Club, forcing them to flee in their cart.
On the bright side, though, they did win the best-drive competition.
Headlines
— At Fark.com: “Five totally, completely unconnected Twitter accounts report that Brian Colangelo is resigning as GM of the 76ers.”
— At BorowitzReport.com: “Philadelphia Eagles accept Mueller’s offer to celebrate with him.”
Down the hatch
Joey Chestnut celebrated National Doughnut Day by downing 257 powdered Hostess Donettes in six minutes in Philadelphia, but that might not be the worst of it.
June 15 is National Prune Day.
Name game
The MLB player with the best chance of someday having a ballpark named after him: Rays outfielder Johnny Field.
Pompous and circumstance
In NFL news, Coastal Carolina bestowed an honorary doctorate on alumnus and Washington cornerback, Josh Norman. It was reportedly a Doctor of Humane Letters, with a trash-talking minor.
News flash
This just in: White House denies ESPN report of Russian involvement in Capitals’ Stanley Cup win.
Speed golf
Warriors star Steph Curry has twice headed to the links between games of the NBA Finals, GolfChannel.com reported, and shot a 71 both times.
Which is even more impressive, golf wags say, when you consider he’s wired to shoot every 24 seconds.
Talking the talk
— Jon Wilner of the San Jose Mercury News, merely shrugging after the Pac-12 — 1-8 in bowl games last season — voted to prohibit 5-7 football teams from bowl consideration: “Why worry about a busted tail light when the engine needs fixing?”
— RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Warriors irritant Draymond Green’s propensity to talk: “I’m thinking he must have been vaccinated as a child with a phonograph needle.”
He shoots, he scores
NHL referee Garrett Rank qualified for the U.S. Open, carding back-to-back 71s for a 2-under par at Ansley Golf Club in Roswell, Ga.
To no one’s surprise, some of his best work came on the fivehole.
‘Police Academy’ lives!
An off-duty FBI agent’s gun
flew out of its holster, hit the floor and discharged when he performed a backflip on the dance floor at Denver’s Mile High Spirits Distillery and Tasting Bar, wounding another patron in the leg.
Agent Tackleberry, we presume.
New doc on the block
Chiefs tackle Laurent Duvernay-Tardif made NFL history when — as an active player — he got his medical degree, from McGill University in Montreal.
No truth to the rumour he specialized in blocked arteries.
15 yards for targeting?
Linebacker Clay Matthews, pitching in a Packers charity softball game, wound up with a broken nose courtesy of a line drive back to the mound.
Attending physicians immediately urged him to stick with less-dangerous pursuits — like, say, pro football.
Pedal lightly
The family of the late corpulent comedian Chris Farley sued Trek Bicycle Company for naming one of its wide-tire bikes the “Farley.”
Chippendales immediately scrapped its plans to release a “Saturday Night Live” workout video.
Quote marks
— Golfer Tim Herron, 48, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on what he plans to do with the $163,300 he won after tying for 11th at the Fort Worth Invitational: “Probably put it in my kids’ college fund — it might cover a year when they’re all going to school.”
— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the Oakland A’s drawing their smallest home crowd since 2003 — 6,295 — in the midst of Warriors fever: “Steph Curry attracts more than that when he gets a haircut.”
— ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, on why the Cavs’ J.R. Smith wasn’t worried when the Warriors grabbed a 3-0 series lead.
“He thinks the NBA Finals are best-of-11.”
No-show TO
Diva NFL eceiver Terrell Owens says he won’t attend this year’s Pro Football Hall of Fame ceremony, saying he prefers to celebrate his induction elsewhere.
Darn! Now we’ll never know what the over/under for instances of “I” or “me” in his acceptance speech would have been.
Name game
Sure-handed Vikings receiver Adam Thielen also boasts a golf handicap of one.
In other words, he doesn’t take many drops in either sport.
Paging Dr. Rodgers
Aaron Rodgers was given an honorary doctorate from the Medical College of Wisconsin.
Well, he is pretty good at dissecting defences.
Low Tide
Alabama football coach Nick Saban says a defective fuel pump — not running out of gas — is the reason he and some of his players got stranded on a lake in his new boat.
Or to put it in football terms, looks like the boat dealer got him with a pump fake.
The write stuff
— Comedy writer Jim Barach, on reports that Johnny Manziel will open his CFL career on the bench: “That’s already resulted
in his new nickname of ‘Johnny Splinters.’”
— Comedy writer Brad Dickson, with an NBA Finals update: “Kevin Durant just hit a 3-point shot over the room-service cart while lying in bed in his hotel room six miles from the basket.”
— Bucks forward Giannis Antetokounmpo, via Twitter, on broadening his culinary horizons: “Just tried a corndog for the first time ... Man, God Bless America!”