This little piggy could use some help
Who says England couldn’t bring home the bacon in the World Cup?
A psychic pig named Mystic Marcus could use a good witnessprotection program after the previously perfect porcine incorrectly predicted a semifinal win over Croatia, sending Brit fans squealing on Twitter:
• “What a (bleeping) liar Marcus the pig turned out to be, snake.”
• “You deserve to be bacon #oink.”
• “Who fancies mystic sausages!”
Headlines
• At Fark.com: “ESPN ditches its comments sections, unfairly silencing thousands of morons.”
• On Sporting News Twitter: “J.R. Smith thinks LeBron re-signed with the Cavaliers.”
Backdoor Cut Dept.
Ex-NBA player Charles Oakley was arrested on a gamblingfraud charge at a Las Vegas casino after allegedly getting caught on camera trying to take back a $100 chip from a losing hand.
Oakley apologists, though, say it’s no more than an over-and-back violation.
Envelope, please
Sorry about that, World Cup fans, but soccer’s save of the year occurred in Thailand, not Russia.
Hands team
In honour of the World Series of Poker, a formidable card-playing sports table:
• Antonio Cromartie: good for a full house
• Peyton Manning: avoid him in Omaha
• Joey Chestnut: count on a big flush
• Grayson Allen: specializes in trips
• Neymar: has no equal on the flop
Soccer to us
Facebook is set to offer Ronaldo US$10 million for a 13-episode reality show, Variety reported. In keeping with the futbol theme, critics plan to give it two big toes up.
Pass the Wite-Out
New Carolina Panthers owner David Tepper says he’s “contractually obligated” to keep a 13foot-high statue of predecessor Jerry Richardson, fined US$2.75 million by the NFL for racial and sexual abuse, outside the team’s stadium.
Here’s guessing there’ll be a huge spike in local pigeon-coop sales.
Roger and out $70K
England not only lost to 2-1 Croatia in the semifinals, but the team was fined US$70,000 for wearing “unauthorized socks.”
Since when has Roger Goodell been in charge of the World Cup?
Circle the date
The Class AA Montgomery (Ala.) Biscuits will hold Millennial Night on July 21, giving away “free things without doing much work” such as napping and selfie stations, participation ribbons and “lots of avocados.”
So what’ll they follow up that brainstorm with, a special event for codgers called Get Off My AstroTurf Night?
Talking the talk
• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on the annual Running of the Bulls underway in Pamplona, Spain: “And you think your commute has been tough this week.”
• Comedian Argus Hamilton, with a World Cup update: “The Russian team that lost to Croatia will now be known as Team Siberia.”
• Torben Rolfsen, via Twitter, on the best name in baseball: “If Pearl Jam were just starting out now, their name would be Mookie Betts.”
Pass the Allen wrench
David Beckham won some Ikea furniture in a bet with fellow soccer star Zlatan Ibrahimovic after England beat Sweden in the World Cup.
But Ibrahimovic might have the last laugh: Rumour has it the furniture came unassembled.
It’s a mad, Madden world
Another clear sign that the end is near: Jacksonville running back Leonard Fournette has asked to be released.
No, not from the Jaguars, silly — from EA Sports’ Madden 19 video game, because he’s unhappy with the 87 rating that game-makers gave him.
Extra innings, anyone?
Kevin Anderson outlasted John Isner 7-6 (8-6), 6-7 (5-7), 6-7 (9-11), 6-4, 26-24 in the longest one-day match in Wimbledon history — six hours and 35 minutes.
“Six-and-a-half hours? Hey, try coming up with your own shtick,” said Major League Baseball.
Phoning it in
The Indians blew a phone call to the bullpen in the ninth inning against the Reds Tuesday — the miscommunication resulting in the wrong pitcher entering the game — and it proved costly as Cleveland blew a 4-0 lead by coughing up a seven-spot.
Well, that’s one bad call they can’t blame on the umpires.
Costly turnovers
Ex-NBA player Kermit Washington, 66, who pleaded guilty to spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in charity donations on vacations, shopping sprees and plastic surgery for his girlfriend, has been sentenced to six years in federal prison.
In other words, triple-doubled.
Give ’em the chair
Okotoks (Alberta) Dawgs manager Mitch Schmidt, incensed over an umpire’s call, made like a former Hoosier basketball coach and hurled a bunch of dugout chairs onto the field.
On the bright side, though, the Dawgs are now 1-0 in Knight games.