(NOT SO) Deep thoughts
A few random thoughts for National Kiss and Make Up Day. Which is all about forgiveness and love. Unlike National KISS and Makeup Day which is all about 1970s glam rock …
LET ’ER RIP
Love the fact that the CFL has relaxed its rules on touchdown celebrations and is now even OK with props. Sports is entertainment, after all.
Can’t wait for the first one that involves the entire offensive line, a handful of cheerleaders, some beers, hotdogs, a few fans, Shania Twain’s Grey Cup halftime show dancers, 12 Shih Tzus, a 300-gallon tub of spaghetti sauce, some fireworks, a clown making balloon animals and a guy dressed as Igor from Hilarious House of Frightenstein.
And a fishing boat, of course.
THANKS, RAY
You may have read this week that Hamilton will soon rename Mohawk Sports Park’s track the Ray Lewis Track and Field Centre. Which is good for a variety of reasons.
One, the Hamilton legend deserves it.
Two, this city is better for it. Three, after the other Ray Lewis went into the Pro Football Hall of Fame the other day — the preachy, bloviating, self-righteous, guilty-of-obstruction-ofjustice-in-connection-with-twomurders Ray Lewis about which he’s dodged questions for years — somebody needed to reclaim the name for good.
Thankfully, our Ray Lewis did that.
99 IS UNTOUCHED, TOO Today’s piece of useless information that has no practical application to anything in your life?
Every uniform number up to, and including, 64 has been worn by at least one Blue Jays’ player. Meaning 65 is the first untouched jersey remaining.
LEFTY VS. LEFTY?
The weirdest screw-up of the week?
You may have heard that Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson will be facing off in a winner-take-all, $9-million, head-to-head match on American Thanksgiving. Available only on pay per view. To advertise, a promotional poster was created.
The problem? The driver Tiger is swinging in the picture is a left-handed club.
He is not left-handed.
SO, SO AWFUL
As we approach September, the Baltimore Orioles continue their march toward baseball immortality.
Now 52 games out of first place, they are within striking distance of the modern era record held by the 1909 Boston Doves who finished 65.5 games out.
With 35 games remaining and Boston surging toward the playoffs at the top of the division, it’s certainly a reachable target.
NOT GOOD
Speaking of teams that are struggling, the Montreal Alouettes averaged 25,033 fans a game in 2010. This year that number is 17,861, which is down from the previous season for the fourth-straight year.
Shockingly, this is still more than 5,000 greater than what the Argos are drawing.
NOT GOOD II
Seven seasons ago, the Argos were averaging 23,690. Today that’s 12,836. Which means they’ve shed nearly half their home crowd in less than a decade. Despite moving into BMO Field which was supposed to be their salvation.
More stunning? In 2007, they averaged 30,931.
KOBE BEEF
Kobe Bryant has been in the news lately for turning 40 on Thursday and for parlaying a $6-million investment in a sports drink into a $200-million windfall. Which says a lot about his business acumen. And has led some to wax overly poetic about his lofty place in NBA history.
Truth is though, while he was certainly a very good player, nobody should get too carried away about a guy who missed more shots than anyone in league history and wouldn’t even make the starting five on the all-time Los Angeles Lakers team.
TOUGH SKED
McMaster kicks off its football season this weekend with a home game against Guelph. That launches an exceedingly tough stretch in which the youthful Marauders face Ottawa, defending Vanier Cup champion Western, Toronto and the always good (in recent years, anyway) Laurier. Those teams had a combined record of 25-15 in 2017.
Not facing a tough schedule? The Gryphons, whose first five games are against teams with a 17-24 record last year.
THIS COULD GET UGLY
While we’re talking about university football, consider this: Other than a rebuilt Mac team that could be good but looks nothing like the 2017 Marauders and will likely take some time to jell, Western doesn’t play a team that finished .500 last year until Week 7.
Last year, the Mustangs scored a best-in-Canada 386 points and allowed a third-best-in-Canada 105 points. Bank on those numbers moving to 500 and 80 this season.
CONFUSING DEBUT
Talking with Ticat legend Joe Montford on the radio this week, he said his first CFL game was a head-scratcher for him. Playing special teams for the Shreveport Pirates, he went to cover on a punt. Unfortunately, nobody had fully explained the Canadian rules to him.
“They kicked it back,” he says. “I thought that was kind of funny.”
Totally baffled and figuring the guy on the other team who rehoofed the ball had suffered a stroke or something, he stopped playing. Which got him chewed out by his coach.
“But he kicked the ball back,” he remembers saying to the coach. “I didn’t understand.” COACH BUTTERMAKER 2.0
There was a video that landed on social media recently of a Little League coach with an interesting technique when visiting the mound to talk to his pitchers.
The man is blunt. Funny, but blunt.
His best — a.k.a.: most-cutting — lines to his young hurlers?
1. “I know you’re new to our team but do you always suck this bad or is it a special occasion today?”
2. “If your dad ever gets out of rehab, we’re going to have to work on a new pitch called a strike.”
3. “Have you ever thought you might actually be left-handed?”
4. “I want to put this lightly but we’re getting killed out there and I think it’s pretty much all your fault.”
5. “Well, you win some and you lose some. Unless you’re on the mound and we lose them all.”
Lest anyone think he was shattering the kids’ psyches or making them cry, not to worry. They pretty clearly got the joke and thought his act was humorous.
THE BEST
Back to Kobe Bryant. If he’s not a starter on the Lakers’ all-time team, who is?
Start with Magic Johnson. Then Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Followed by Wilt Chamberlain, Shaquille O’Neal, Jerry West, Elgin Baylor and maybe George Mikan. Kobe sure would be a nice seventh man, though.