He lost because he didn’t drink enough
Talk about running low on fuel.
Corey Bellemore, winner of this year’s Beer Mile World Classic in Vancouver, B.C., was disqualified when race officials ruled he didn’t consume enough beer during the race’s four mandatory brew stops.
It’s believed to be the first time in sports history in which a runner was stripped of his title for failing to fail a drug test.
College headlines
— From comedy writer Brad Dickson: “Breaking news: Urban Meyer has been suspended for almost as long as the average booth review takes.”
— At Fark.com: “And the next football program accused of NCAA violations is ... (spins wheel) ... Texas A&M.”
Food for thought
Skittles has rolled out a special Marshawn Lynch-themed pack with candies coloured in Raiders silver and black.
So what’s next — limited-edition Milk Duds for the Cleveland Browns?
That’s a fast 40
Carolina rookie receiver D.J. Moore was cited for speeding — to the tune of 113 m.p.h. — in a 65-m.p.h. zone on I-77 near Charlotte.
Or as Panthers apologists tried to spin it, working on his fly pattern.
Quick justice
The new Raiders stadium in Las Vegas will contain a courtroom and jail for law-breaking fans.
The dungeon, we assume, will be known as The Black Hole.
War of curds
The Cactus Bowl has been rebranded the Cheez-its Bowl.
You’ve got to like Wisconsin’s chances of getting the first invite.
Figure skating
Hall of Fame player Eric Lindros says the NHL should eliminate body contact.
Two minutes for laughing, anyone?
Open-and-shut case
Blue Jays pitcher Aaron Sanchez says he injured his finger by getting it caught in a suitcase.
That’s what he gets for not bringing in a closer.
Talking the talk
— Browns assistant coach Bob Wylie, on ESPN’s “Hard Knocks,” on why he’s not a fan of modern training techniques: “We
won two World Wars without stretching.”
— Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, on the surgical procedure to replace that golfer’s finger that got bitten off in a brawl: “Lift, clean and place.”
Winning habit
Sister Mary Jo Sobieck of Marian Catholic High School threw the ceremonial first pitch — a perfect strike, to rousing cheers — before a recent White Sox game.
So, just to summarize: one nun, one hit and no errors.
Coming up aces
Ali Gibb, 51, hit three holes-inone in just five hours — a span of
25 holes over two rounds — en route to defending her club championship at Croham Hurst Golf Club in Croydon, England.
Alert statisticians immediately credited her with a triple-single.
Hold that line
And in health and fitness news, the Marine Corps, in the battle of the bulging waistlines, has modified its menu offerings.
They’re calling it Operation Dessert Storm.
Beer Down
Arizona sophomore basketball forward Ira Lee has been charged with “super extreme” DUI, among three charges.
So, just to update his stat line over the past 12 months: 2.4 (points), 2.3 (rebounds), 0.20+ (blood-alcohol level).
Riding in comfort
New “Monday Night Football” sideline reporter Booger McFarland will ride up and down the sidelines on a motorized cart dubbed “The Booger Mobile.”
It’s believed to be the greatest innovation on wheels since the Pinto, the Corvair and the Edsel — take your pick
Quote marks
— Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on Browns receiver Josh Gordon playing just 40 of a possible 96 NFL games, mostly due to drug suspensions: “To say that Gordon has had an ‘unorthodox career’ to date would be akin to saying that Frank Sinatra ‘could sing a little.’”
— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on why you shouldn’t put any stock in the NFL pre-season: “Cleveland’s Bad News Browns won all four of their 2017 exhibition games ... then went 0-16 when it counted.”
— Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, describing Patriots coach Bill Belichick’s postgame-interview look: “The dude at your gym waiting impatiently for you to get your wimpy ass off the bench-press machine.”
— Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, on Kobe Bryant’s $6 million stake in a sports drink now worth $200 million: “That’s smart investing. Or as Kobe likes to call it, padding your stats.”
— Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Caesars Palace Sports Book taking more bets on the Browns to win the AFC North than the other three teams combined: “Beam me up, Scotty.”
— RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on the difference between Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger and the Westminster Palace clock, closed for repairs: “The latter Big Ben can’t have its bell rung.”