Wedding should be public, proposal private
Glenn Weiss’s Emmy play could cause ripple effect of public proposals
Hollywood director Glenn Weiss’s recent marriage proposal on the Emmys telecast in front of over 10 million viewers brought a collective tear to the eyes of not only those present but those across the country and around the world.
Weiss conjured the memory of his beloved mom and got down on one knee.
Girlfriend of many years Jan Svendsen’s jaw dropped and she said yes.
Hollywood stars leaped to their feet with many wiping away tears.
The scene was described in the media as a special moment, the highlight of the night.
Me? I had a little bit of a knot in my stomach. Don’t get me wrong. I love love. I, too, want a world with a little more love in it.
But this public marriage proposal thing is worrisome.
First and foremost, what kind of person feels the need to propose in public? Are they bursting with love and they want the world to know? Are they trying to elevate the one they love? Do they crave attention? Are they trying to add an element of pressure to say yes? Is it a combination of these things? Is it none of these? Not feeling capable of answering those questions adequately, I am going to leave that sort of inquiry to the professionals.
Meanwhile, in my mind, a marriage proposal is a private affair. If you love someone, this includes respecting them enough to propose in private. If the couple wants a public proclamation of their love, let it be the wedding ceremony itself.
In short:
Wedding proposal = private Wedding ceremony = public (if the couple wants it to be public).
Svendsen herself evoked her own feelings about privacy at least twice. She said, “I expected a very private proposal.” As for the wedding, she said, “I think that we’ll do something a little more private.”
Svendsen apparently has a sense of privacy (notwithstanding the bedroom skit on Jimmy Kimmel). The
question is, did Weiss’s public proposal of marriage respect that reasonable sense of privacy?
Just as important, does any woman/man who is proposed to in public have a choice other than to say yes? Can you imagine Svednsen saying in front of millions of people, “Er, Glenn. Nice idea, something to think about perhaps … Can I sleep on it?” Not happening.
To be sure, many public proposals have resulted in lifelong happy and successful relationships.
But let’s hear from the women who felt pressured into accepting a proposal of marriage because it was made in public. One that was made in front of family and friends, at an NBA game, on TV, in a restaurant or anywhere else. How did that marriage go after you accepted because you felt pressured into saying yes?
Let’s also hear from those who accepted publicly (not wanting to make the situation more difficult than it is) and then declined later. How difficult was that? How awkward?
How safe did she/he feel?
The bottom line is that not all proposals of marriage are accepted. Knowing this, they should be managed in a private setting. After which if the couple agree to marry and agree to make things public, they can.
Weiss, for example, could have privately proposed to Svendsen with his mother’s ring before the show and if she accepted, and with her permission, could have announced it to the world in a very touching way.
My heart’s sincere hope is that the two have a lifetime of love and happiness together.
My heart also goes out to all the women and men who will be subjected to an unwanted public marriage proposal that this event and the coverage it has attracted may have inspired.