It was love at first sight ...

Q. I’m in love with someone whom I’m went at guy On the on to a never beach the vacation the airplane. same going or in with resort. the to see Later, lobby. my again I family, kept I realized in seeing I my saw life. he him this — couldn’t way to I There see never to him communicate. was resist. believed again something But and in I was it love Now brings about too at I’m first shy me him never sight. to to that ask tears. going I’ve for I a never feels because like even I’m my been going whole in crazy love world’s before. just falling thinking But apart now about it him. er I A. someone need You’re help mentions not with “stuck.” coping, the Rather, vacation, because you’re whenev- I cry. choosing fantasy You’re tinged hooked to dwell with on in frustrated the a state idea of of pleasurable love longing. at first sight According coach (LAFS). John to Irish Alex author Clark, and that relationship first look at your someone subconscious (e.g., on into the plane) becoming can attracted trigger you). to this person (who’s actually a stranger to It to may, someone subconsciously, from your spark past who a comparison meant a lot Next, to you. enter the “halo effect” — the tendency to assign positive personality traits to people we find physically attractive.

Look deep inside your own memory and self-knowledge to think about just what those personality traits are that you admire.

Then, look for those traits in the words and actions of men that you meet from now on … instead of concentrating on looks.

Next time you feel an attraction beyond the instant one from a gaze, gather your courage to say hello, and start a conversation.

And here’s some hopeful news out of a 2017 study from the University of Groningen in the Netherlands: people who report LAFS along with a partner (who’ve created this memory together) tend to experience more love and passion in their relationship.

Trust your son

Feedback: Regarding the parents’ worries that their son may marry a woman with anxieties, fears and disinterest in having children (Aug. 28):

“My husband knew full well about my foibles and eccentricities, that mental illness gallops through my family. He married me anyway.

“He knew that I had NO intentions of ever having children.

“When asked why he married me, he said he was looking for someone to love, who’d be a partner, someone to take care of, who’d take care of him.

“His parents never questioned our relationship or our marriage. They accepted me and made me feel incredibly welcome. “We’ve been married 28 years.

“To the father: trust that your son may know what he’s doing.

“Admit that his girlfriend wrestles with her own foibles and eccentricities and that’s what makes you nervous.

“Get to know her before you judge. I certainly know when I’m being silently judged because actions speak far louder than words.”

He should be on your side

Q. My Significant Other (S.O.) has a lifelong friend, “X,” with power/control issues.

On a recent group trip organized by X, I left one night early for personal reasons and shared a few of them. It didn’t impact the trip logistics.

X took major offence. He later sent me a cruel email damning my decision.

I responded that I was sorry he felt that way, and apologized.

His next email was insulting and disrespectful.

My S.O. hasn’t said anything to his friend. I wouldn’t allow a “friend” to speak to me or my loved one this way.

I’m disappointed that my S.O. didn’t stick up for me.

A. Your S.O. is either “with” you, or he’s not. He must insist on no more insults, not indulge his difficult friend’s harsh overreaction.