Minor hockey has major issues to address

Association’s gender diversity push is good start, but more than ‘chat’ needed

As part of the Ontario Minor Hockey Association’s promotion of gender diversity and social inclusiveness, last year it started requiring all coaches, trainers and on-ice help to watch a tutorial on the importance of respecting gender diversity. As this year’s season got underway, I read the OMHA’s new directive that coaches have a “chat” with their team to establish a culture of inclusiveness and respect, as outlined in a guide and checklist for the “chat.” For example, coaches could start by introducing themselves along with the pronoun they use, as in, I imagined, “I’m Coach Dave, and I prefer the pronoun ‘he.’”

I stopped reading there and took a deep breath. Yikes.

Perhaps the OMHA is doing some “blue-sky thinking” here, and I wouldn’t knock that (we’ve certainly had enough of the opposite when it comes to institutional gender policies), but make no mistake: for men in particular, because the borders around masculinity are so heavily patrolled, the OMHA’s suggestions aren’t as simple as they’re made to seem. We’re deeply ingrained with the need for others to recognize our gender accurately; asking coaches to introduce the idea that their own gender is a preference rather than a natural, evident foregone conclusion, and therefore a slippery category rather than fixed, is … ambitious.

However, as a gender academic and as a mother of boys and girls who play co-ed hockey, I also think it’s absolutely important that we do this thing.

The OMHA materials on gender diversity focus most strongly on creating a safe, inclusive space for transgender kids; this is a major step forward for minor hockey, though I’d wager that most hockey coaches have never met a kid who identifies as trans or even gay and, statistically, the chances of having one on their team are fairly small. This might lead some coaches to think that the gender diversity project doesn’t apply to their small group of players. But it applies to each and every one.

Here’s why: my kids have been on teams where a boy has been bullied for having long hair “like a girl,” and another for having a voice “like a girl.” One team brought in a trainer who thought it would be funny to give the boys prizes after skills competitions — things such as lipstick and perfume, because the idea of a boy liking anything associated with the feminine is something to laugh at, right?

These kinds of things create an atmosphere of intolerance, where boys learn that masculinity is a rigid, narrow role, and stepping outside of it, even if it’s just growing out your hair, can make you a target for abuse and mockery. This drives away the kids who can’t or don’t want to fit into that role — even straight white cisgender males. In fact, as our culture increasingly recognizes the many downsides of the “tough guy” identity, one would hope that more and more boys have the benefit of greater diversity — more flexibility, more acceptance — even within the male identity.

And what about the girls on the OMHA’s coed teams? My daughter was only 11 when she told me that she’d had enough of the song the boys on her team were playing in the dressing room. She was keenly aware that the lyrics were misogynist (“My hands go up and down like strippers’ booties go. My verses still be serving, tight like a million virgins”), and as the only girl in the room, she felt alone. It’s great that my daughter can choose to be part of this team, and that the OMHA’s new gender policies protect her right to be included in previously “gender-segregated spaces” like dressing rooms so that she’s not isolated. This is a benefit to her, and it’s also a benefit to her local association because she’s brought not only her skills and fees, but many years of her dad’s volunteering. But there’s still more work to do: even the songs played in the dressing room and the constant references to her team as “the boys” can make her feel like an outsider.

If I were a coach trying to create a culture of gender diversity in my team with a “chat,” I’d say that on my team, it doesn’t matter how long your hair is or what you wear. I’d tell them that there are lots of ways of being a boy or girl or something in between; people are creating all kinds of ways to live and be, and it’s all good as long as no one gets hurt or shamed or left out. Not only is this the right thing to do, but in a time of ongoing declining enrolments in hockey, many associations’ survival depends on it. We need to make every kid, no matter their gender or sexual orientation, feel welcome at the rink.