College care-package parties offer support for empty nester moms

Eighteen years after Diana Sutera Mow gained an instant family with the arrival of her twins, her Southern California home “became an instant empty nest” when they flew across the country to begin college last year.

Gone were the everyday sounds of her children, Alex and Rachael, laughing, running around the house and telling her about their day. Gone, too, were the familiar voices of her son’s lacrosse teammates and her daughter’s friends.

“We went from not just having our children, but several others in our home at any given time to just my husband and I and the dogs,” said Mow, of Poway, Calif. “The silence is deafening.”

To help fill the void and to stay in touch with fellow parents, Mow began participating in a growing trend among those with an empty or emptying nest: the college care-package party.

At these parties, parents, usually mothers, share a glass of wine or a meal and then pack a box of goodies to send to their college students. The moms laugh, hug and bond as they swap updates about their children, support each other through new struggles, and sometimes shed a tear among friends who get it.

Mow, who hosted four parties during her kids’ freshman year, opened her home for her fifth on Aug. 31, at the start of her twins’ sophomore year.

“It gives us an excuse to get together and be a support system, and see that we’re not alone in this journey and everything is normal,” Mow said.

The parties work like this: if the RSVPs show that 12 boxes will be made, each parent brings 12 of an identical item, one for each box. Parties often follow a festive theme, like Halloween or Valentine’s Day, or boxes can be filled with snacks and stress balls for finals.

Crafty moms decorate the box flaps with coloured or holidaythemed paper or add tissue paper in school colours. Moms often write notes of support to the students, or the whole group may sign a card for each box.

The parties are spreading “like wildfire,” says Lisa Heffernan, co-founder of the website Grown and Flown, whose Facebook group has posts on the parties.

“Just because our kids got older, that doesn’t mean parents don’t need a community and the village,” she said.