Sexual assault at 14: Do I tell my parents now?

Q: With all the talk of sexual assault in the media, I am wondering if I should tell my parents that I was assaulted at 14 by a friend of the family. I was devastated and became quite an angry teen at the time. Now I am 35 and finally have my life together. Is there any reason I should tell them?

A:

First, I am sorry that you had this experience. Although your question is brief, it seems your experience had a profound effect on you and you are only recently recovering in your 30s.

Deciding whether or not to tell your parents at this point depends on a number of factors.

First, determine your reason for telling them — seeking to apologize; helping them understand what gave rise to your behaviour as a teen; seeking to hold them accountable if you feel they were somehow responsible; just wanting them to know the truth about the family friend.

You will also have to determine how your parents may respond. Will they: believe you, offer you whatever support they can, seek to confront the perpetrator and/ or discontinue the friendship?

Before telling your parents, you may want to assess what supports you have in place to facilitate your disclosure and their reaction.

Disclosure remains your decision. My comments are only to help you explore the context of disclosure, what you hope to gain from it and to help ensure you are prepared for any outcome.

In the end, it is about you — remaining safe and feeling empowered.