What to do when a guest wants to bring a plus-one you didn’t invite

Q: What do you do when a guest responds to an RSVP with a plus one and you didn’t invite a plus one?

A: It all depends on the type of event. If it’s a seated dinner or reception where there is an arrangement and a seating assignment, you can say, “I’m so sorry, but this is a more structured event, and there is no room for plus ones.”

If the event is intimate, and if you know your invited guest is bringing someone he or she just started dating or a random friend you don’t know, it is definitely OK to say no because the additional person is not meaningful to your life.

If the extra person is a longtime partner or even an out-of-town family member, like a friend’s visiting mother, the hosts should weigh pros and cons.

Again, it all depends on the type of event and the cost per person for the event. Weddings and galas have limits, but if it’s a cocktail or dinner party, you can always bring another chair to the table. You never know what interesting conversation will arise.

— Marc Sievers, entertaining expert and cookbook author

A: If you have flexibility on head count and want to avoid an uncomfortable situation, just let it go and make accommodations for the extra, albeit uninvited, guest.

Yes, your guest should have realized a plus-one wasn’t an option, but not everyone thinks about etiquette when receiving an invitation. Although you might have an urge to give the guest a call and educate her, you’ll be able to better preserve your relationship by letting it go.

If you don’t have any flexibility to add to your head count, let your guest know. Be sure your tone isn’t going to make her defensive — delivery is everything. Politely say, “Unfortunately, your desire to bring a guest can’t be accommodated this time, but I am looking forward to seeing you at the event.”

— Tori Tait, entertaining expert at ThoughtfullySimple.com