Daydreaming Among the Stars

I lie in the lush, olive green grass, listening to the mellow murmurings of oak trees from a bygone era. I count the bright stars that strew the dazzling twilight sky as I silently succumb into a reverie.

Who am I?

I am quick to ponder but slow to divulge. I am covetous to earn the esteem of my peers, but forbear confessing to it at all costs. I believe that nothing is irreproachable but will not relent until I have reached perfection. I am praised for my achievements, but only because I veil my shortcomings.

I know that I am ultimately a nobody in the grand scheme of things but feel like the protagonist in this vast story. I am naive and outspoken, but always first to vindicate my actions and sentiments. I am arrogant and presumptuous, but why shouldn’t I be?

I am baffled by the profundity of our culture but heedful never to express my gratitude. I am invariably eager to speak my mind, but fear that my convictions will be mocked. I strive to be reckless and ambitious, but always refrain myself to formality. I know that ignorance is said to be bliss but persist in eating from the tree of knowledge.

I understand that folly is the necessary precursor to wisdom but condescend to the foolish and unwise. I always find it important to validate the truthfulness of a proposition, but never consider it as important as convincing others that my proposition is true. I preen myself on my ability to recite aphorisms, but seldom am I able to adhere to the aphorisms I recite.

I think everything through unreservedly, but never will I cease thinking through about anything. I live for each instant, but not as much as I am concerned about the next. I know that chasing success is a trivial pursuit but cannot hide my envy for those who have caught it. I know that objectivity is simply a mask for subjective consensus but cannot quench my thirst for objective facts. I am always in search of the meaningful, but always surrender to the expedient. I know that language itself is reductive but presuppose that I am precise in my speech. I know that the world exists as an interplay of chaos and order but wish for the absence of chaos. I call myself a relativist, but relative to what I do not know.

I am a crusader for justice but fail to discriminate between equity and equality. I strive to learn and flourish, but never without toil and perspiration.

The stars begin to glister with a special and overwhelming enthusiasm, like scattered moon dust embellishing the sky.

Perhaps I will never know who I am

Perhaps that is what makes me who I am.

Perhaps that is why I am.

I smile. For even the stars, in their boundless splendor and poise, cannot shine without darkness.

And who am I to challenge the stars?