How to cut back on Christmas gifts
Without the bah-humbug
Yvette Campagne tries to approach Christmas gift-giving a little differently.
The Winona resident prefers to give practical presents to her friends and family — everything from postage stamps to homemade preserves to newspaper subscriptions — instead of trinkets that may not get used.
“There’s so much clutter, so much stuff in the world — so we decided to do things that people in the family needed,” she said.
The more unusual gifts Campagne has given include dog grooming for a friend’s pet, seniors’ vaccinations for her godmother who lives in Quebec (where medical coverage isn’t as fulsome as Ontario) and, amazingly enough, the deed to a cemetery plot for a dear family friend whose father had died. The $150 gift allowed Campagne’s friend to secure the land next to her father to ensure she could be buried alongside him.
Campagne says she has only ever received positive reactions to these out-of-the-box gifts.
“I find that if you pay attention all year round, then Christmas gift-giving in terms of things that are outside of “stuff” is really easy to find,” she said.
Campagne isn’t alone. Cutting back on physical gift-giving appears to be gaining popularity, either due to a pushback against consumerism, a rising awareness about the impact of the holidays on the environment, or simply a desire to cut back on the influx of stuff that ends up in our homes.
“It’s definitely a topic of conversation this year,” says Lisa Orr, a certified etiquette consultant based in Toronto. “Sometimes, the excess gets exhausting, and it does take away from the intention of the holiday. If you can reduce the emphasis on gifts, you can actually have a more positive experience.”
But raising the topic of cutting back on the gifts can be surprisingly fraught, especially among extended family members.
So, what’s the best way to broach the subject with your family without coming off like a Grinch?
First, Orr says, start with an in-person conversation or phone call rather than an email or text message, as written messages often sound like you’re pronouncing judgment rather than offering constructive ideas.
Then, Orr says, find your family’s “influencer” — those who tend to sway discussions or lead the family conversations — and try to get them on board.
“Brainstorm creative ways you can tackle it,” says Orr. “Have guidelines about it being handmade, or an experience, or setting a price limit.”
Hamiltonian Brian Dijkema and his family have made a conscious effort to curb the consumerism at Christmas for several years now.
“Our family is Christian, and we take our faith pretty seriously,” he said. “It’s always boggled our minds that we have this story — about a family that’s literally homeless and sleeps in a barn surrounded by animals — and we celebrate that with an orgy of consumerism. The juxtaposition of that has always been very strange to us.”
But Dijkema says that doesn’t mean his family refrains from gift-giving altogether. Instead, they open their gifts on St. Nicholas’ Day, which falls on December 6. That way, the actual day of Christmas is focused on spending time together instead of opening gifts.
“The story of St. Nicholas was that he was a rich landowner in Roman times. He threw bags of gold that allowed young women to be freed from slavery,” he said. “That puts a very different sheen on why we should give gifts.”
For the gifts they do exchange, they use what they call a cultural “jig” — referencing the template a carpenter uses to make repeated cuts. Every year, they use their “jig” to determine their gift
guidelines: one thing to read, one thing to wear, one thing to play with.
“It’s kind of freeing in some ways — that’s just what we do,” he said.
For extended family, Dijkema does a “Secret Santa” — “we choose names, we set a hard financial cap, and you buy one thing,” he said.
Orr says that when it comes to extended families, there may be one or two people who will continue to buy gifts, even if you’ve asked them not to. In that case, she says, there’s little you can do — but don’t feel obligated to return the favour.
“Don’t feel like you need to give back in kind,” she said. “You just let it go.”