A day in the life... ... Of a cut­ting edge con­tem­po­rary bour­geois lib­eral ni­hilist aca­demic

Lies, half-truths, and snow day ev­ery day, snow day ev­ery day!

The McGill Daily - - Compendium! - Nochill Cé­cile The Mcgill Weekly

*grabs keys and etches the word ‘nu­ance’ on the side of your lit­tle souped-up four-wheel drive*

*sips kom­bucha & gin by the fire and plods to­ward in­evitable mor­tal­ity*

*sur­ren­ders to the dis­ar­ray of mind as Kanye West’s Fa­mous plays on the turntable*

*picks out one black cash­mere turtle­neck of many to adorn flesh prison*

*uses the Ni­et­zsche Reader as step tool to reach crys­tal wine glasses*

*has a friend named Jean-yves Guil­laume de La Faune or some vari­a­tion of that*

*laughs at a joke ref­er­enc­ing La­can made by said friend* *starts bark­ing and run­ning on all fours when the idea of vi­o­lence in so­cial move­ments is brought up*

*un­der­stands and agrees with Zizek’s cri­tique of Kung Fu Panda*

*throws away gluten-free, sugar-free, dairyfree or­ganic ar­ti­sanal cup­cakes from the bak­ery owned by twin sis­ters*

*quotes Arendt and calls for rev­o­lu­tion, but is hy­per­crit­i­cal of grass­roots or­ga­niz­ing*

*shud­ders and curls up in ball when some­one men­tions iden­tity pol­i­tics*

*puts fin­gers in ears and hums God Save the Queen any­time colo­nial­ism is men­tioned*

*starts bark­ing and run­ning on all fours when the idea of vi­o­lence in so­cial move­ments is brought up* *runs a start-up as a so­cial en­tre­pre­neur that fa­cil­i­tates the cre­ation of syn­ergy and in­ter­con­nect­ed­ness for non­de­script com­pa­nies who of­fer a dis­count on hov­er­board rentals and has a ‘self-care pro­duc­tiv­ity-en­hanc­ing ball­pit of seren­ity*

*short cir­cuits when dis­cus­sions about race take place*

*lit­er­ally ex­plodes when own priv­i­lege is pointed out*

*drives a Tesla car with cus­tom­ized li­cense plate and booster seat for son, Eury­dice*

*en­rols Eury­dice in al­ter­na­tive eco-house that runs avant-garde pre-kin­der­garten pro­grams such as Tran­scen­den­tal Med­i­ta­tion for Tots*

*is an avid fol­lower of soul leader Gwyneth Pal­trow* *goes to Beirut to study Ara­bic; ends up speak­ing English to the lo­cals*

*goes to for­eign coun­try, and crit­ic­ses their cul­ture while tak­ing ad­van­tage of their hospi­tal­ity*

*thinks we should colonise Mars, and mine the moon*

*thinks emma wat­son is a great fem­nist*

*thinks Shai­lene Wood­ley did a great job at Stand­ing Rock*

*takes an im­promptu es­capist trip to Croa­tia to clear mind and fin­ish pa­per on the ef­fects of hi­malayan flower on higher con­scious­ness and in­ter­con­nect­ed­ness*

*ex­hibits an art show about fem­i­nism com­prised solely of flow­ers in vagi­nas; over­charges for tick­ets to said show*

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