Couple’s wedding can wait until fiance finds a job

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been engaged for two years. Our wedding is set for a year from now. I’m thinking about calling off our wedding, not because I don’t love him or because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I want that. It’s because I’m the only one with a decent job. He has a job, but doesn’t earn enough to support us.

I can’t be the only one earning an income. How are we supposed to move out of our parents’ houses and start a life together if I’m the one doing everything? What will happen when things need to start getting paid for and there’s no guarantee he’ll find something? I have talked to him about it and he’s angry. He knows it’s time to change his life around and get serious.

Should I keep the date and keep my fingers crossed he’ll find a job by then or postpone our wedding, which has a venue but nothing else planned? I don’t need to get married anytime soon and I’d prefer to wait until he can support himself and we are in a better place financially. Then I feel like we could move forward. Am I making the right decision? – CAUTIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Yes, you are. You are thinking with your head instead of being swept away by your emotions, and I applaud you for it. I have said for many years that before a woman marries she should be able to support herself, in case future circumstances require it. Well, the same is true for a man.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. Recently, I rekindled a relationship I had with a guy I was close with many years ago. We have a lot of the same interests.

When he asked what it would take for us to be permanent, I asked that he stop smoking pot. He responded that he does it only “two or three times a year” and that for me to make that request was “controlling.” I hate the smell of smoke, and pot is illegal in our state, so I broke it off because he wouldn’t agree. Did I do the right thing? – TONY IN FLORIDA

DEAR TONY: Yes, because his response to your simple request indicates any accommodation you asked of him would likely be met with the same reaction.

DEAR ABBY: My 63-year-old husband refuses to cut his hair. It is grey and thinning and is now longer than mine. Even when it’s clean it looks dirty.

If I say anything about it, he thinks it’s funny or, the other extreme, that I am picking on him. Please help. – NEAT AND CLEAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEAT AND CLEAN: I’ll try. Your mistake is making his problem your problem. Continue to take pride in your appearance, and if he prefers to look like an old hippie, let him. Neither you nor I can change him, and because his tresses are thinning, the problem may resolve itself.