Woman seeking ways to honour lost children
A Pictou County connection led Paula Harmon’s life on a new journey after the loss of her daughter.
The Bridgewater woman had lost her three-year-old daughter Grace in December 2013 due to complications with her bowel.
“We took Grace into the emergency with what everyone thought was just another minor bacterial infection in her bowel, only to have her die 18 hours later. It turned out that, between a rare disorder that no one knew she had, and invisible scar tissue forming around her bowel, that no on imaging could detect her bowel was compromised and caused death,” she said.
Following her death, Harmon took time away to visit her brother in the United Kingdom and while visiting she read about River John author Sheree Fitch’s new bookstore.
“Grace loved her books,” she said. “I said, this makes me cry because I would have taken Grace to her bookstore.”
She contacted Fitch and told her about Grace’s love of her books, which led Fitch to ask, what she could do at her Dreamery in honour of Grace.
Harmon went to the Internet for some ideas where she soon discovered there are many different ways people remember children who have died or lost pregnancies. She said in the United Kingdom there are memorial gardens dedicated to early child loss and discovered the group Sands, a stillborn and neonatal death charity that does many things through a national helpline, forums and network of support groups.
Harmon said when she returned home to Nova Scotia she realized that more could be done to help families. Ideally, she would like to have memorial gardens established around the province so people can have easy access to them. Other aims including co-ordinating with local hospitals and counselling groups to improve access to both families and professionals, and improve how child death, stillbirth and miscarriages are dealt with in public, workplaces, etc.
Another area of focus is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, on Oct. 15. Harmon recently asked Pictou East MLA Tim Houston to introduce a bill in the legislature that would allow this day to be recognized provincially and have the province look at bereavement services.
The bill didn’t pass this year, but it is hoped it can be reintroduced in the future so Oct. 15 is recognized provincially, with focus on the services at a later date.
Harmon is asking municipalities to recognize the day by lighting town and municipal halls in pink and blue lights on Oct. 15 from 7 to 8 p.m. in honour of International Wave of Light where candles are lit for one hour in every time zone around the world, creating a continuous wave of light to commemorate the lost children and honour their grieving families.
The Municipality of the County of Pictou agreed to sign a proclamation in honour of the day, but Warden Robert Parker said discussion included where the pink and blue lights should be used. He said Coun. Debbie Wadden suggested the council ask the Pictou County Wellness Centre if the lights could be used there so the entire county will see it.
Harmon said the pink and blue lights will be lit at CN Tower, Niagara Falls, BC Place and large bridges across Canada. Having municipal units on board with their own proclamations and light show will tell the province that the issue needs to be addressed.
She admits her focus on raising awareness has led her down a path she never expected, but one that is helping with her grief.
“It gives me focus and it is certainly something that helps,” she said. “I am meeting a lot of lovely people. It is a club you never want to belong to but there are great people in it.”
More information on Harmon’s efforts can be found on Facebook at Gardens of Grace.