Wife endures verbal abuse along with loveless marriage

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to “Oscar” for more than 30 years. He has been inattentive for more than 25 of those years. Over the last 15 years, I have found erectile dysfunction medications in his vehicles.

Oscar claims he knows nothing about them. He lies constantly, even when the evidence is right in front of him. When I ask him if he is seeing other women, he claims to be impotent and tells me I am crazy.

I had an affair at 55 to try to raise my self-esteem. I once was very beautiful and even now, at age 68, I look quite good. I have stayed with my husband out of habit in spite of his hurtful comments and lack of affection.

Oscar has told me that if I need affection, “go get a job in a whorehouse.” I have had three back surgeries in less than a year, and when I cry with pain, he gets annoyed and tells me to cut it out.

He’s a narcissist and not much to look at. He goes out of his way to please strangers to make himself look good, but when I need a hand, I’m a “b----,” and my husband doesn’t lift a finger. Advice, please! — UNHAPPY IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNHAPPY: You have put up with this for how long? Your relationship with this man (I hesitate to call him a “husband”) is clearly loveless. Instead of asking me for advice, look within and ask yourself, “Is this really the way I want to spend the rest of my life?”

When the chips are down and you need Oscar’s help, he not only turns his back but also calls you a b---- for asking.

Because you know he’s cheating, hire a private detective for a month and find out who with. Then talk to a lawyer about what your rights are as a wronged wife in New York.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif., 90069.