Talk of remarriage triggers questions about burial plots

DEAR ABBY: My brother-inlaw “Charles” has earned the privilege of being buried in a military cemetery. He lost his wife, “Claire,” to cancer 10 years ago; she is buried in their plot in the military cemetery with a headstone. Their children are all adults now.

Charles has been seriously dating a divorcee, “Joyce,” and they are talking about marriage. Joyce feels that for him to be committed to her in marriage, they should have a plot together. It’s our understanding that only one wife is allowed to be buried in the military cemetery. This would mean Claire would have to be exhumed and transferred to another one.

I suggested they get an outside opinion and a prenuptial agreement before they get married, which both would be agreeable to. What have others done in similar situations? — CONCERNED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR CONCERNED: There are different types of military cemeteries in this country, 135 of which are maintained by the Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery Administration. However, there are many state and private military cemeteries nationwide, and their rules may differ from those of the national. Because you didn’t mention which category your brother-inlaw’s cemetery falls under, the best advice I can offer is to contact it and find out what its rules are in circumstances like this.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife wanted to buy a home for us to raise a family in, I went along with her plan to move to her hometown.

It’s almost two years later and I regret it. I miss my hometown. It’s a beach town, a throwback to a time when everyone knew everyone and you could walk or bike-ride anywhere. People don’t lock their doors, and homes are insulated from the streets and traffic.

But there is no convincing my wife to try giving my hometown a shot as our full-time residence. Despite knowing we will never be able to own a summer house there, that’s the “dream” my wife sells to me. I resent her because she got what she wants, and I just have to deal with it. Should I just accept my fate? — RESENTFUL IN NEW YORK

DEAR RESENTFUL: I am sorry you are unhappy with the decision you made. Your wife may have wanted to move to her hometown because she felt her relatives could help out with your children, which is a plus. However, unless you find the strength to assert yourself, “accepting your fate” is exactly what you may have to do.