This RV only big enough for one set of grandkids

ASK AMY

I have two sons, and my sister-in-law has three children: Two girls and a boy.

Neither of my boys is interested in sports, but one niece and my nephew are involved in several sports. As a result, their grandparents go to many games and spend a great deal of time with that side of the family.

Recently, the grandparents bought a new RV and invited my nieces/ nephew to go camping with them. My children had no such offer.

When my husband confronted his mother on this matter, she said he was just being jealous. But she still hasn’t invited our children camping, nor have their grandparents had any contact with them in a month. My husband feels that we are left out a lot. My in-laws’ response is typically that it’s just that they go to the games. Is that a valid reason to spend more time with part of the family over the other part of the family?

Wouldn’t taking the nonathletes camping be a great way to get that quality time, since they pursue less popular activities? — FEELING HURT

On the one hand, sports are very time consuming and can interfere with relationships. On the other, they give grandparents (and others) a fairly easy way to connect with the children in their lives by attending games.

Assuming that your children are as accessible to these grandparents as the other set of grandchildren, your in-laws are, in fact, being patently unfair when excluding your children.

If these grandparents feel they simply don’t know your sons well enough, camping with them would be a great way to get to know them.

Your husband has pointed out this imbalance, and his parents have thrown it in his face.

You two should do your best to promote a relationship between your children and these grandparents by inviting the older couple to spend time with your family.

Also — I hope these cousins are close. One unfortunate consequence of obvious favouritism is that it interferes with other relationships.

Many reader responses on this topic point out that children are very aware of favouritism, and the effects can permanently damage relationships, as well as create bitter memories.

You can acknowledge this favouritism to your boys, but you should not dwell on it.