Pro-athlete needs to work on neighbor game

ASK AMY

My husband and I live in a gated community. About a year ago, we were shocked to see a player from a major league sports team buy the home directly next to ours. My husband was absolutely thrilled.

We became friendly with him almost right away, as his dog and our dog liked to play with each other in our connected front yards.

Then suddenly, his notoriety increased overnight and the “chaos” began. Constant partying, loud music, a nonstop flow of people and cars going in and out.

I was leaving for work one morning, and an insanely expensive car was blocking our driveway, and a young woman was passed out drunk in the passenger seat. She was fine, but the situation was frustrating, especially for me because I had to get to work.

My husband and I agreed that he would talk to our neighbor. We agreed on a firm but polite approach. Several hours later, my husband came back home, completely drunk and raving about what a nice guy he was, saying he invited us over to hang out, and we should let it all go.

I understand my husband likes to be connected to our neighbor’s celebrity status, so I feel alone in dealing with this situation. How do I handle this one? — NOT A FAN

Your neighbor has coopted many of your rights: the right to the quiet enjoyment of your own property, the right to privacy, and the right to have access to your vehicle so that you can go to work.

He has also co-opted your husband.

Do not drop this. Write down your specific concerns. The process should commence with an inperson, neighborly appeal from both of you (together): “We work in the morning and the volume of the music is so loud that we can hear it in our bedroom with the windows closed.” And, “Last week I couldn’t get to work because a car was blocking the driveway and a woman was passed out inside it. I was so worried about her I wanted to call the police.”

I assume that this personal appeal might not have much of a long-term impact, but now you would have modeled the kind of polite behavior and respect that you would like him to adopt.

Keep detailed notes of dates and times and take photos or videos during disruptions, as well as your conversations with him about this. In the future, if nothing changes, call the police if necessary.

Take your overall concerns to the organization that runs your gated community.

And then get your lawyer involved.