Jealous guy has girlfriend rattled

ASK AMY

I am a 26-yearold woman who bartends and is starting a career in real estate.

I have been dating my boyfriend for more than three years now, and lived with him for most of that time.

He is 13 years older than me. He is very smart, financially successful, funny and sweet, generous, and charming. However, we have a huge problem in our relationship: his jealousy issues. At times it seems to consume him and always causes a fight.

I love this man very much, but I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this.

I would NEVER cheat on him, and feel his suspicions are unwarranted. He is jealous of customers I talk to while bartending, as I am very friendly to people, which is part of my job.

He hates when I hang out with guy friends, or send texts to guy friends.

I have stopped doing this for the most part because I don’t want it to cause a fight. He knows it’s a problem and claims he’s working on it, but it seems to be the same, if not worse.

He is not currently going to therapy, but keeps saying he will.

An example: Tonight I went to the gym while he was taking a nap. Half an hour later, he calls me asking where I was, and why I left after getting a phone call.

The phone call was from the veterinarian!

He was clearly very suspicious and implied I was out with someone else. Amy, I really cannot live this way. It’s not healthy or right. What should I do? — TORN IN PORTLAND

You cannot live this way, and you should not live this way, so please do not live this way.

Jealousy is insidious; it is fueled by a person’s insecurity, and jealousy has a way of transmitting this insecurity from the host to the partner.

It’s like a mad virus, and unless this dynamic is interrupted you could find your own sense of self seriously eroded.

Currently, you report that you have already changed your (trustworthy) behavior in order to avoid a fight.

The slippery slope here is that you will start to limit yourself further and further, until your guy’s jealousy and anger controls your every move.

I hope you choose to exit from this relationship. NFHS finds homes for animals in need and reunites lost pets with their owners. The shelter is located at 6025 Chippawa Pkwy. The Cat Adoption Centre is at Niagara Square and both are open daily. Visit the website at www. nfhs.ca.

Eliza is a funny girl who enjoys attention. She will rub her head against your hand and gently purr. She is the type of kitty who will reach her hand out and gently tap you if she feels she isn’t given the proper attention. Eliza is a very glamorous girl with her shiny, silky coat and bright eyes.

Join us at the Home and Garden Show, March 31 to April 2. Drop by and take a look at our scrapbook as we celebrate 80 years.

Join us on March 31 at the Seneca Queen Theatre for the premiere of the Niagara made, killer comedy, Gorge. Tickets may be purchased for $15 by calling the shelter. More information can be found at our Events page on the website.