Current relationship being threatened by a violent ex
Dear Amy: I have been dating a divorced gentleman for almost two years.
He has dated in the past, but as soon as he is comfortable in a relationship, his ex-wife shows up and destroys everything.
She suffers from chronic mental illness and ran his last girlfriend off.
Her stalking and harassing of whomever he chooses to love eventually ends in police reports and restraining orders.
Well, looks like he and I have reached that point. Unless a traffic accident was involved, I have never dealt with the police in my entire life.
Her interference is constantly hurting our comfort level. It’s exhausting, and we have considered breaking up, just so that she will leave me alone.
Even if we did make the decision to break up, I told him that she will never allow him to be happy with anyone.
Her violent tendencies are not something that I care to deal with on an ongoing basis. I feel like I’m in a horror film.
We love each other, but this is wearing me out.
— CARRYING HIS BAGGAGE
Dear Carrying: I’m so sorry this is happening to both of you.
You and your guy should review all of his efforts to legally contain and restrain his ex. This should include notifying friends and family members of the situation and asking them not to communicate on your behalf or ever share your contact information with anyone; disconnecting from his ex on all social media platforms, changing phone numbers, etc.
Never post specific advance information regarding your whereabouts on social media.
You should not respond to any contact from her, but keep an organized record of it. Work with the police and lawyers and always follow through (legally) concerning any infraction on her part.
I can’t advise you on whether you should hang in there, or abandon this very stressful situation. I can only urge you to take all steps to protect yourself.
Only you can judge whether the situation calms down or stabilizes.
If your personal friends and family members express worry or fears about you — believe them. Also, always trust your own gut instincts; if you feel afraid, don’t suppress this fear, but listen to it and take it seriously.
This is a very serious safety and quality of life issue for both of you, but ultimately you will need to make whatever choice is best for you, personally.
Understand that even if you break up, you might still be at risk. Be aware of this possibility, and continue to take steps to protect yourself.
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