Neighbours dread knock on the door

ASK AMY

My girlfriend and I live in a small condo building. Our neighbour is a middle-aged woman who lives by herself, and also happens to be very overweight.

Since we moved in about a year ago, at least once a day (sometimes twice), she knocks on our door and asks for me or my girlfriend to bring her groceries up the stairs, bring up packages, take boxes to the trash, or move various things around her condo. We always do these things for her. She has mobility issues due to her size, and she’s always out of breath.

She is very nice and apologetic about having to ask us to do things, and thanks us each time. But it is becoming a problem for me. I am fine being neighbourly, but this seems like it’s too much.

My girlfriend nicely suggested that maybe she should look for a home health aide or that someone in her family could check in on her. Her response was “I’m not that old” and, “Why would I need that?”

Another neighbour said that the previous residents in our unit had the same issue with her. He said he thinks they moved because they were tired of dealing with her.

I’m at the point where I just don’t want to answer the door anymore, but my girlfriend feels that our neighbour will know we are hiding from her. What can I do here? — WONDERING RESIDENT

You have the right to the quiet enjoyment of your own home, and in order for you to have that, you will now have to be specific about what you are willing to do for this neighbour.

You and your girlfriend should decide together what neighbourly chores you are willing to do. For instance, perhaps you would be willing to take out her trash, if she leaves it outside her door. (If she can make it across the hall to knock on your door, she can likely handle her own trash.)

Otherwise, she will have to make arrangements, the way many people do when they have chronic physical challenges. A home health aide could come to her home twice a week and perform many of these household functions on a regular schedule.

You and your girlfriend should say to her, “We will always assist you in an emergency. We are willing to handle your trash for you and if we see a package downstairs for you, we’ll bring it up, but otherwise you will have to find other help.”

If she comes to you with a nonemergency request, you should say, “You obviously need more help than we are willing to give. It’s time to hire someone.”