What’s more idiotic than swallowing laundry soap?

If your Chia Trump died and your mood ring hasn’t worked since 1976, despair not. There’s always another fad to embrace.

Fads create peer groups that come together to get overly excited about something that doesn’t matter.

Let us celebrate these people, these early adopters of calculator watches and trucker hats, of waterbeds and hula-hoops. They were the essence of style for a moment, a cultural weather vane telling us that it was not just OK to get a Rachel haircut in 1995 but important that we do so.

And thus it was that Elmo begat purple ketchup which begat planking which begat Tebowing which begat the mannequin challenge.

Thanks to social media (is there anything it can’t do?), fads have never been more pervasive — or fleeting.

Often, they are categorized as “memes,” which is Latin for “if you just heard about it, nobody is doing it anymore.”

Here are three that were making headlines 10 seconds ago and, by that very fact, are as timeless and cool as pet rocks and twerking.

• The Tide Pod challenge: Teens video themselves biting into laundry detergent pods. How it started: Not sure, maybe some kid in a loud room dared another to bite an iPod.

• Raw water: Water fanatics don’t like what’s in tap water (fluoride) and don’t trust filtration because it removes good things like minerals and Oh

Henry bars. (Wait! That’s not an Oh Henry bar!) The delicious alternative is untreated water. You can buy 2.5 gallons for $36.99 at Rainbow Grocery in San Francisco, according to the New York Times article Unfiltered fervor: Getting off the water grid.

“It has a vaguely mild sweetness, a nice smooth mouth feel,” said the store manager.

The founder of Live Water, Mukhande Singh, whose real name is Christopher Sanborn, says you should drink his product within one “lunar cycle” or it will turn green.

• The fire haircut: A barber in India puts flammable liquid and powder on your head and sets you on fire. While your hair is burning, he uses two combs to “cut” the hair. He moves quickly, with the practised hands of a stylist who has no sense of smell and is stark raving mad. How does one just sit there like a human tiki torch? Dude, your hair’s on fire! Run and scream and run until you find water, any water, even raw water!

But which fad is the best? Behold my universal assessment tool, the RED scale: Relative stupidity, Ease of application and Dire consequences. A maximum of five points can be awarded in each category.

Tide Pod Challenge

Relative stupidity: 3. At least you’re not skateboarding on the freeway. But it’s soap in your mouth.

Ease of application: 4. Laundry pods are everywhere. That’s how your mom gets your clothes clean. You thought it just happened, didn’t you?

Dire consequences: 4. It’s poison.

Total: 11.

Raw Water

Relative stupidity: 4. Treated water is safe. That’s why your neighbours aren’t dying of cholera.

Ease of application: 2. Not widespread yet, probably due to a conspiracy by Big Water.

Dire consequences: 5. The symptoms of cholera include abdominal cramps, nausea, rapid dehydration, vomiting and diarrhea.

Total: 11.

Fire Haircut

Relative stupidity: 4. Think now, is there any other way to shorten your hair?

Ease of application: 1. It’s hard to find barbers on parole for arson.

Dire consequences: 5. Your hair is on fire.

Total: 10.

And there you have it.

So why not just eat artisanal light bulbs? They’re totally cool right now.