Solo Meet and Eat offers some conversation, companionship as loneliness rates are rising
Carol Parker’s life changed when her partner had a heart attack. The lives they had been living — camping and travelling — suddenly got sidelined.
At 72 years old, she found herself staying home, with little chance to socialize.
For about 30 years, Parker lived in the Ottawa Valley — having moved there for a teaching job — and at one point, she started a singles club to meet people and make friends. Years later, having returned home to Niagara, she thought hosting a similar event could work again.
But instead of focusing on singles, Parker opened it up to those like herself seeking socialization — whether they were seniors, divorced adults, people new to the region, individuals working from home or even students looking for company.
Parker named it Solo Meet and Eat, a group that meets twice a month for a companionship and a meal.
“For myself, it’s easier to stay home, but I felt that (socializing) was missing in my life because I enjoy meeting new people,” said Parker, a retired school teacher.
“The events that they have for seniors are cards and bingo, there’s very little else. Not everybody wants to go and do those types of things, so this is something where all you’re going to do is eat and talk and I think there’s a market for that.”
She reached out to Mandarin Restaurant in St. Catharines. The location fit her criteria. There’s a variety of food options, with buffet and offthe-menu meals, an accessible washroom and free parking. The manager also offered the group its own separate room, more conducive to conversation.
The idea was to keep it simple. Interested individuals could pick and choose when they wanted to attend, with no obligation to return. Zero commitment — just a standing open invitation.
“People let me know if they want to come and I just put their names down. We don’t use last names when we’re among each other unless somebody does it themselves,” she said.
“Who you meet and what could come of it, you just don’t know and (there’s) an excitement to that.”
The group held its first event in March, with four people in total. The first lunch had six and its most recent dinner welcomed 13 people.
The goal is to get it into the 20s and while the attendance so far has skewed senior, Parker said the hope is “any age will realize they are more than welcome.”
The World Health Organization declared loneliness a global health threat, with the United States Surgeon General calling loneliness a public health epidemic. Widespread loneliness poses health risks — leading to dementia, heart disease, stroke and premature death — as impactful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Pauli Gardner, associate professor of health sciences at Brock University, said it’s unclear what caused the rise of people feeling lonely and isolated. Part is the COVID-19 pandemic, which likely increased or amplified rates, and social media also plays a role in younger demographics.
But the issue is shared across all age groups. The main difference is that younger people are in school or starting new jobs, which leads to more opportunities to make friends.
“At the end stages of our lives, our spaces really shrink in terms of where we go and where we spend our time and who we’re talking to,” said Gardner.
“When we’re emotionally or psychologically feeling isolated, this very much impacts our physical health.”
Groups making an effort, like Solo Meet and Eat, to create spaces where people can socialize and form friendships is “amazing.”
With that, Gardner said, it’s important to be inclusive in the spaces it picks, in terms of physical accessibility, as well as welcoming to all people, regardless of background, sexual orientation, gender diversity and race.
Also, in the activities themselves. “The first person who tries to drag me to bingo when I get older, look out. But that’s not to say there’s a problem with bingo, it’s just we rely on what we already know,” said Gardner.
“A good idea might be to solicit feedback from people … and see what things we all want to do.”
Gardner would also “highly recommend” intergenerational spaces, which stems from research working with older adults.
“Intergenerational spaces are where the magic really happens and we can learn so much from each other,” they said.
“We don’t understand each other’s lived experience until we spend time and so much more we have in common than is different.”
It is also difficult to start something new, at any age, and Gardner said a buddy system is a great first step.
A few people have attended the meals with a friend, said Parker, either sitting together or apart.
“Having somebody introduce you or bring you into the group or make that friendly call, like ‘looking forward to seeing you tomorrow,’ can make a huge difference,” said Gardner.
Solo Meet and Eat is held the first Thursday of each month for lunch (at noon) and the third Thursday for dinner (at 5:30 p.m.). People who are interested can email Carol Parker at carolparker19@gmail.com.
For anyone hesitating, Parker said let her know and “you will be welcomed.”
“Maybe it’s time for a new chapter, a new chance,” she said. “Just give it a try.”