Forbidden love: New advice column debuts

Editor’s note: This is the first in a new series of monthly advice columns from Omemee writer tessa smith.

Dear Tessa, Recently, I was swept away by a love so strong and so deep it withstood all odds: long distance, time, and race. As a member of a traditional Indian household, when I tried to share this love with my family - specifically my parents - it was refused and taken from me because I am too young and his skin is the wrong color. In my culture, white and brown don’t mix. So now I am left with a choice: him, or my family.

Being without him is the greatest pain I’ve ever felt. Now, because my parents took the liberty of contacting his parents, I’ve hurt his family too. I am afraid that this hurting and “family feud,” will cause more pain than our love can bear.

I don’t have him, or my parents’ trust. I can’t go against my parents as I’m still a minor - and nor would I want to lose them. I have hope that time will heal our love, but I don’t know how to carry on for the time being. Did I do the right thing? What do I do now? anonymousdreamer

Well hey there, anonymousdreamer, thanks for writing in. I hope for the time being you are able to find comfort in the decision you have already made, and find strength in my opinions as well.

You did the right thing by not keeping this from people as important as your family - especially your parents.

Undoubtedly, this would have been difficult for you to tell them, with you going in already knowing their thoughts on men you are “eligible” to date.

It shows great maturity that you brought it to them anyway because the love you have is that important.

Your parents contacting his parents is likely rooted from the concern they have for you within the rules of your culture. I don’t think them reaching out to his family was an act of vengeance to hurt you, rather an attempt to protect you.

This is a difficult situation because love is what love is, in my opinion, and when predetermined rules of a race, religion, or culture become involved, things become increasingly complex.

From here, your best bet is to wait it out.

If you really want to be with this man and it’s meant to be, it will happen the way life sees fit and bring the two of you back together in time.

Although you have disrespected your parents now (without intention), and lied to them, perhaps they just need to see the kind of woman you grow into until they feel more open to letting you make your own important decisions.

I know it’s hard to wait through something like this because you feel so emotionally invested and you miss him, but something my mom has always told me about relationships is “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Sending love,

Tessa Smith

Are you a young person or teen looking for advice? Email Tessa Smith at tessasmith329@gmail.com. Your name and personal information will be kept confidential.