Family likely won’t accept transgendered teen

Dear Tessa, One of my closest friends recently came out to me that he’s transgender (female to male). All of his friends and I fully support him, but he tells me how scared he is to come out to his super religious, transphobic, anti-LGBT family. (He was afraid to ask, so I’m asking for him.)

He’s afraid his family will kick him out of his house because of how severely “sinful” they think the LGBT community is in general. Do you have any ideas about what he should do about this? Or should he just stay closeted from his family until he moves out? Sincerely, A supportive friend

Hey there supportive friend, Thank you so much for reaching out to me, I’m going to do the best I can to help your friend work through this situation.

Coming out is something very personal, and the way in which your friend chooses to do so is entirely his decision.

If the roles were reversed I would be quite lost myself on what to do, so there is no obligation to take my advice; regardless, I have given this a lot of thought and I think the best thing for your friend to do is come out of the closet and tell his parents who he truly is.

The days we are given are gifts, and the future is never a guarantee. By expressing who he is to his family, a door will open to the level of comfort he feels within himself which will make him more confident living in his body and being able to talk about who he is in difficult situations such as this.

A suggestion I have to help with the process is to maybe have you (the supportive friend), or an older ally close to your friend, be there when (and if ) he decides to tell his family. Having extra support there with him may help your friend, but also may be able to help your friend’s family as well.

If he chooses to bring someone along to be moral support, perhaps they could offer more information to the family about what being transgender actually means, how the LGBT community works in love and understanding, etc. Ignorance is often powered by lack of education.

Parenting means promising to unconditionally love a child; regardless of religion, race, gender, sexuality, shape, size, hair color, etc. Without question, this is going to be something easier said than done, but his parents are going to find out in time anyway. It seems unlikely that they are going to be accepting of your friend the minute the news it out - this is understandable as it will probably be a shock to them - but remember that this will pass. A cliche, I know, but nobody can hold a grudge forever, even if it doesn’t feel that way in the heat of the moment.

Whatever happens, your friend is in good hands because you have helped him get this far. Sending love, Tessa Smith

Are you a young person or teen looking for advice? Email Omemee writer Tessa Smith at tessasmith329@gmail.com. Your name and personal information will be kept confidential.