Photo of deceased friend lives on, through Facebook
Dear Amy: My dearest friend suddenly passed away from a heart attack. His funeral was yesterday.
His younger cousin took pictures of my friend lying in the casket, and posted them on my friend’s Facebook page.
I was upset to see these pictures. I find them disturbing. I choose to remember my friend a different way, and not in a casket.
I would like to ask this cousin (whom I have never met) to take these pictures down, but I’m not sure how to word the request. I don’t want to offend or upset anyone.
I do not want to look at his Facebook page years from now and see those pictures. I know I can report pictures to Facebook, but feel this should be a last resort. Obviously, I would private message the cousin.
What is the general consensus on taking pictures of the deceased in a casket and posting them on Facebook? How does one politely ask that they be taken down? — GRIEVING FRIEND
Dear Grieving: My deepest sympathies. Losing friends is a heartbreak, and social media can make it harder, especially when people violate known social and ethical norms and then broadcast their violation to the world.
In another era, it was relatively common to take photographs of dead people. In my own family, there are photos of several spectral ancestors, dead to the world, but living on in photos.
Today, however, it is the final violation of someone’s privacy to photograph his body and post the photo for all to see. Facebook has come to serve an important function for the family and friends of the dearly departed, as an individual’s personal FB page transitions to a memorial page, celebrating the person’s life.
Anyone viewing a post has the freedom to respond and react honestly. There is no reason for you to stay quiet about this.
Send this cousin a private message, saying, “I am deeply offended by your choice to post photographs of my dearest friend in his casket. I consider it a violation of his privacy. It is very upsetting to me, and perhaps others. I think these photos should be removed.”
In the meantime, use Facebook’s “hide” function so that you will not see the photos, and can preserve the memory of your friend the way that you would like.