Student struggles with schoolwork, identity
Dear Tessa, I’m going through some really stressful times at school, not being able to handle both university and my mental health. I’m struggling particularly with life at home as my parents are not entirely accepting of my sexuality and gender identity. They make little to no effort to call me by my preferred name and pronouns and it’s really upsetting. I’m starting to feel alienated, unsafe and more stressed out than I should be, especially at home.
What do you think I should do? I would really appreciate any advice you have!
Yours truly, TrentDad99 Hey there, TrentDad99, Thank you for making the time to reach out and express your troubles to an external source. Managing your well-being and academic excellence is definitely a struggle, especially when both are equally as demanding for a successful future. I will advise you the best I can and hopefully give you some helpful resources you can use to your advantage.
Starting university is a very stressful time already, but to remember life outside of that and how much it matters is something even I find I constantly have to remind myself of. Time management is probably the biggest skill you’re going to have to learn, and learn it sooner rather than later.
Most, if not all, of your classes are going to have a high demand for weekly readings; on top of this, you will not have many assignments, but few, longer ones that will weigh more heavily on your final mark. In addition to these school requirements, you’re also going to want to find time to socialize and show school spirit and schoolrelated events like sports events, dinners, etc. Prioritizing what is most important to least important in timeline format is key in this scenario.
Say you had to read a novel by the end of the week but you also had textbook readings you needed to do by tomorrow. Which would you do first? The textbook readings. If you begin to break things down in this way, and create lists where you’re able to check things off as you go, it will be a lot easier, and you will feel good about yourself for being productive.
I also strongly recommend getting a calendar of some kind, or a day planner, where you can write down each subject, and underneath it indicate what needs to be done by when, so you’re always prepared.
All that aside, your mental health trumps all. If you don’t feel well in your mind, you won’t be able to perform well in real life situations. I’ve stressed this before in past articles, but to you I will say again how important it is that you also make time for things you need to do to feel like yourself.
I know, you may begin to wonder where you will get all this time from, because the truth is, we don’t have time… Time has us, but you do have the chance to organize how you spend it. Your wellbeing is worth the investment, so think about the things that make you happy and/or calm, and make time for them - even if it’s only for thirty minutes a day, it’s better than nothing.
Last, but certainly not least, the issue of your parents not accepting your sexuality and gender identity. This will no doubt be affecting the state of your mentality, and by the sounds of it, is only worsening it. I assume you have tried talking to your parents about your preferred name/pronouns, but they didn’t hear you or didn’t want to listen. Try again. Make sure they aren’t just hearing you, but that they’re at the very least making an effort to listen to you. If they’re already aware of what you’re experiencing they should truly want to know how their child is doing, and if they’re okay or not.
We can’t change the way people think, but we can express how we feel to them to have an influence on them, and to give them a shot at better understanding. Express to them how important it is to you (and your well-being) for them to try to be open-minded about who you are, because you aren’t changing. You are your own person, and if they aren’t changing the way they think about your sexuality and gender identity, you must stand by who you are as well.
Lack of information is the key to ignorance, so tell them about what you’re going through. If after all attempts you cannot get through to them, seek help from another source like a counsellor, social worker, or an adult figure from the LGBTQ+ community who can help talk to your parents about your identity amongst other things. I stand with you in solidarity. Sending love, Tessa Smith