Eldest sibling wonders how to share the wealth

Dear Amy: I am the oldest (age 62) of seven children, and I have been financially fortunate.

I would like to share my good fortune with my siblings by giving them each an amount of money, but I don’t know how to go about doing it.

It seems kind of crass to just hand each of them a cheque.

A couple of my siblings really need the money and the rest do not, but I want to give them all an equal amount.

How can I do it in a fun way without looking like I’m giving alms to the poor? — LUCKY SIBLING

Dear Lucky: Check with your financial adviser, and implement the plan with your (and your recipients’) tax implications in mind.

You should keep this simple. Send each of them a note and a cheque on the same day by secure means.

Write something to the effect of: “I’ve been very lucky, and feel that part of my good luck is to have you as a sibling. I’ve reached a phase in my life where I am happy to share my good fortune with people who mean a lot to me. Please accept this gift. I hope you will use it in whatever way makes you happy.”

Understand before you do this that some people are uncomfortable receiving gifts that they can never reciprocate. Some of your siblings may have an unexpected reaction to it. You might have one or more cheques returned to you. You might not receive the acknowledgment or thanks that you feel you deserve.

This is the heavy lift of generosity: When you give, you have to also let go. In this case, letting go translates into not only letting go of your assets, but also any expectation attached to your generosity.

Dear Amy: This isn’t exactly a request for advice, I guess, but really I just want to hear some wisdom from you (if you have any on this subject).

I’m wondering about breakups. I’m an almost 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a handful of serious relationships. Sometimes I end it, and sometimes the other person ends it.

I get it that no one probably enjoys ending a relationship, but I seem to take breakups particularly hard. I wonder why this is, and if there are things I can do to avoid feeling this way in the future. Your thoughts? — LAYING LOW

Dear Low: One surefire way to avoid a painful breakup is to avoid a committed love relationship. (If you’re going to go this route, I’d suggest that you not only avoid people, but pets, too.)

My point is that any attachment will eventually lead to loss. Sometimes, the very concept of attachment gets a bad rap, but I think that attachment to fellow living creatures is something to celebrate, as long as you aren’t too tethered to a particular outcome.

A breakup usually starts with drama and ends in grief. True grieving involves heartache. Your heart/gut/head actually hurts. No one wants to feel this way. Our human instincts scream out to avoid feeling this way. Some people medicate their way around their grief with alcohol, drugs, and one-night stands.

Understand your own temperament, and look for healthy ways to soothe yourself when you feel bad. What works for me is spending time in nature and listening to (and making) music, reading Mary Oliver and watching old episodes of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.”

You might benefit from the wisdom of the Buddhist thinker Pema Chodron. Listen to her lecture “Don’t Bite the Hook.”