Too early in our re­la­tion­ship to say I love her?

The Peterborough Examiner - - LIFE - TESSA SMITH TESSA TAKES CHARGE Are you a young per­son or teen look­ing for ad­vice? Email Omemee writer Tessa Smith at tes­sa­smith329@gmail.com. Your name and per­sonal in­for­ma­tion will be kept con­fi­den­tial.

Dear Tessa,

I’m fall­ing for this beau­ti­ful, kind, funny, tal­ented woman and I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure if I should tell her be­cause our re­la­tion­ship so far has al­ready moved pretty fast, but I can’t help my­self when I’m around her. When I’m with her ev­ery­thing gets bet­ter. You know when peo­ple ask you “what do you look for in a part­ner?” Well she is ev­ery­thing; ev­ery­thing I’ve ever wanted.

I guess I’m just won­der­ing what you think I should do. Do you think I should tell her or wait a lit­tle longer?

Sin­cerely, Anony­mous

Hey there, Anony­mous,

Thanks so much for tak­ing a beat to write in and let your­self sit with your emo­tions be­fore tak­ing any ac­tion. Things like these can be dif­fi­cult for me to an­swer be­cause telling some­one you’re fall­ing in love with them or that you have fallen in love with them is a very per­sonal choice, but with my philoso­phies about life and love and ev­ery­thing that comes with those things, hope­fully I’m able to help you reach a de­ci­sion.

Per­son­ally, I think you should tell her. Not just be­cause it’s what you want to do but be­cause life is just too short. I be­lieve that if you feel some­thing - and this goes for any emo­tion - you should let who­ever is im­por­tant to you know. This will ben­e­fit both you and your girl be­cause your com­mu­ni­ca­tion will strengthen and trust will grow even more, like flow­ers in a gar­den. Even if she weren’t to say it back to you right away, noth­ing bad can ever come from telling some­one you love them - peo­ple love to hear that be­cause it makes them feel wor­thy of their ex­is­tence and it makes them feel safe. This goes to any­one else out there too: don’t be afraid to ‘overuse’ ‘i love you’ be­cause it can never be overused.

I think the fact that you haven’t been to­gether for that long doesn’t make a dif­fer­ence. You can know some­one for a few years and it might not be the some­one you’ve known for a month or two - ev­ery per­son you have a re­la­tion­ship with (pla­ton­i­cally or ro­man­ti­cally) is go­ing to have a dif­fer­ent ef­fect on you.

It’s very easy to fall in love with some­one be­fore you know them com­pletely, but even when you do know them, you will still be learn­ing new things about them ev­ery­day be­cause they will al­ways be chang­ing and grow­ing - and so will you. The beauty with life is that you’re never the same per­son you were yes­ter­day, or to put it in more philo­soph­i­cal terms, you can never step in the same river twice. If you’re feel­ing love, don’t cut down the feel­ing in half just to make every­one else more com­fort­able; by all means fall deeply and whole­heart­edly if you think you love her and can trust her with your heart, be­cause your life could end to­mor­row but you’d never know that today.

As for an­swer­ing the ques­tion: what is love? It’s im­pos­si­ble be­cause of how in­di­vid­ual it is. It’s like a ba­sic so­cratic ques­tion that can be asked over and over again to hun­dreds of dif­fer­ent peo­ple, but never suc­cess­fully an­swered be­cause every­one has a dif­fer­ent idea of what it is. Con­trary to pop­u­lar be­lief, I don’t think you can ever be too young to be in love. The per­cep­tion that fall­ing in love is bad be­cause it’s dis­tract­ing or makes your self-care shift to an­other per­son as well as your­self, only comes from peo­ple who’ve never truly loved or been too afraid to. Love is the only thing in this world that knows no bound­aries, has no eyes, and is com­pletely non-dis­crim­i­na­tory. How could you pos­si­bly want to push that away?

Fall­ing is hor­ri­fy­ing, no mat­ter how com­fort­able you are with the per­son you’re with. They might just be three lit­tle words, but they show in the small­est acts you make, the small­est things you no­tice, and the way you know how to take care of her with­out her even hav­ing to tell you.

If you love her, let her know. Chances are she might al­ready know and feel the same about you be­cause your ac­tions have al­ready shown your com­pas­sion. She’s a very lucky girl, and I wish you two the best as I sit here and type, help­ing you make a choice I think you al­ready know you’ve de­cided.

Send­ing love,

Tessa Smith

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