Might be falling too hard, too fast ...
Dear Tessa,
So I’ve got this crush, right? They’re a friend of a friend, and I first saw them through social media. This person is just my type and I know they must be friendly and moral because they are a good friend of my close friend’s, and I trust my friend’s judgment.
Recently I managed to muster up the courage to speak with them, and it has been better than I could have ever imagined. We haven’t met in person yet, but I’m learning all I can about them in the meantime. I’m worried about several different things, although things are going so great.
I’m worried that I’m falling a little too fast for this person, too quickly into this new relationship; as well I’m worried the relationship is moving along too quickly. I’m also worried that they won’t be true to the person I’ve talked with over social media, and that they won’t really reciprocate feelings once we meet one another in person ... Any advice to calm my frazzled nerves and how to tame my overthinking mind?
Yours,
Queer And Confused
Hey there, Queer And Confused, Thanks for taking a minute to reflect on the quality and speed of this new and exciting relationship you’re entering. It can be a really good thing to have a listen to what someone else thinks of your situation, especially without bias, so let me tell you a few things that might help you out with getting to know your new partner and what to keep aware of.
The first thing that jumps out at me in your letter in is that you haven’t yet met them in person, although, nowadays, this isn’t really a big deal - especially considering they are a good friend of your close friend, you can eliminate the possibility of a fake account/person. On that note, it is always a lot easier talking to someone screen to screen rather than face to face, even after you do meet them. Screens act like filters and you typically tend to be a lot more confident with the things you say.
A good tip I always try to remember if I’m interested in someone romantically or just getting into a new relationship and I get nervous about seeing them in person is just trying to see them as only a friend. If you look at them this way conversations tend to flow better, you’re less nervous, and you can just be yourself because it’s like talking to a friend.
This can be difficult if you find them especially physically attractive, but personally it’s worked well for me in the past.
You mentioned you’re worried that this person might not reciprocate your feelings for them when you do finally meet in person. Why is that? Do you think it’s something they might actually think, or are you just playing mind games with yourself that when they meet you you somehow won’t live up to all they thought you were? Has something similar to this situation happened to you in the past? It’s important to determine this distinction because it will tell you whether or not it’s a rational thing to be thinking about.
It sounds really great that you have so many things in common with this person and that you’re clicking really well, so to this - like my last column - I just have to say go for it. If when you meet them you think they are as good a match as they seem to you now, then why not? If they reciprocate your feelings for them and you feel as comfortable sharing things with them in person as you do now, I think those are pretty good means to really get your relationship going by.
Caution in going forward is always something to be aware of, but it doesn’t have to play in the forefront of your mind; a lot of people worry about getting hurt or others getting hurt, but we treat it like it’s only a ‘what if ’. It does happen, but what if this time it doesn’t?
I hope you get all that you’re hoping for with this new person, and they feel the same as you do about them.
Sending love,