Daughter wants to educate Mom about current events

Dear Amy: My mother is a very hardworking and dedicated mother, but she has some very problematic views of the world. She assumes that refugees are going to terrorize our country and that women only gossip and tear each other down (for instance). The thing is, she is an immigrant herself from a Latin country.

When I explain to her how problematic her thinking is, she tells me one story about something she saw that backs up her claims.

I was privileged enough to graduate from a private liberal arts school (through scholarships). That experience opened my eyes to racism, sexism and other problems in our country and around the world.

I visit my mother once a week and we read the newspaper together. We start a dialogue about the never-ending stories about sexual assault and police brutality, and it always ends in a fight.

I want to spend time with my mother, but it’s hard to listen to the things she says.

I think it’s important for me to explain to her what I know and have learned, but I also don’t want to spend my evenings with her doing that.

How can I spend time with my mom and talk about these important issues without arguing? — FRUSTRATED DAUGHTER Dear Daughter: You should table your impulse to educate your mother, for now, and spend your time together getting to know her as an adult.

Your mother is more than the sum of her opinions regarding current events. She is a person with a story of her own.

I love it that you read the newspaper together, but you two might need a new routine that promotes togetherness. This might sound hokey, but working on a giant jigsaw puzzle together comes to mind. As you hunch over the image, you can talk and catch up. Try asking open-ended questions and listening without correcting.

Some of what you are experiencing now is the real-life irony being played out when someone with a fancy diploma comes home and uses her privilege to try to change her parents. (I know because I did this, myself.)

Your mother’s view of the world might never come around to your standard. But she might be offering you insights that you are too offended to recognize.