New boyfriend on new path

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating only weeks but have been close longer. He was a foster child growing up, with parents who have addictions and long criminal involvements.

He started taking that path, but with my help he’s been trying hard to help himself.

But he’s badly affected now because his brother (they’re close) just had a child, which children’s services are possibly taking.

Then, some issues happened with his family.

We were on the phone and I heard his dad yelling.

It wasn’t good.

He hung up, called back hours later, saying that there was fighting, but he didn’t want to talk about it.

I sent a text that he can talk to me about anything.

He just said thanks but we haven’t talked since.

I’m worried about him and unsure what to do for him.

A: Your boyfriend is protecting you and likely himself, too.

He knows how to deal with these people much more than you do.

Since there’s also a criminal element within his family, you must also protect yourself.

If you heard directly from him that he’s in danger, ask if you should alert police.

Even if he’s involved too, it may be better than facing severe injury or worse if there’s serious trouble.

Otherwise, wait this out till you learn what’s really happening.

Your relationship future is still unknown. If you’re to stay together, he must be able to leave that family environment and the two of you create a fresh start.

That’ll require hard work managing to support yourselves, and strong will to rise above the things that have dragged him down until now.

Meanwhile, be sure there’s more to the relationship than you feeling responsible for changing his life.

Failure to launch

Q: What is it with grown men who have good jobs and still live with BOTH parents?

I’m 50 and have experienced this situation twice in my “mature” dating years and it’s so frustrating!

I understand there can be a cultural aspect to this situation.

I love my own home and commitments like yard work, etc.

Yet these men stayed home because mostly everything gets done for them.

I’ve been single for five years and fell for TWO of these men and was attracted to them, yet became tired of running the show.

All activities centred around my home, my ability to provide it to these men who couldn’t have me to their home, or make dinner.

Nor could they have me over for movies, sporting events, etc. because they were too comfortable letting me constantly host.

If they ever reciprocated, it was with mommy and daddy in their 70s in their houses!

It was not private.

They’d both emphasize when they had the place to themselves, for me to come over and it was like they played house.

I’m no longer with either gentlemen yet feel that, if either had their own place, we might’ve been able to make it work with shared hosting, less pressure, more privacy, etc.

Both men showed no interest in getting their own place.

Both still live with mommy and daddy today.

A: “What’s with those men?” My answer: People who put up with them.

That includes parents who mistakenly believe they’re “helping” adult children who should be able to manage their own lives (barring physical or mental health impediments).

And, it includes men and women alike — you too, for awhile — who keep thinking that dependent-by-choice adults will change.

Some do, others don’t.