In these terrible times, here is an open letter to my white friends

There are many ways for parents to navigate discussions concerning race with their kids

Like many of you, I have had a very difficult week.

I’ve been pretty silent about race relations up until now — not because they don’t affect me on a daily basis as a Black woman, but simply because I didn’t want to make anyone feel embarrassed, ashamed or uncomfortable discussing a sensitive topic.

I can no longer stay silent.

I know many of you are horrified about the atrocities you have seen on the news, but have stayed quiet on the matter, because you don’t know what to say, or how to express how you feel.

It’s understandable.

You can offer your support by doing many things, like signing petitions to support the Black Lives movement, financially contributing to similar causes, peacefully attending rallies in your community or simply posting an image on your social media to show you support POC. The bottom line is, please DO something.

And now, I’d like to speak more specifically to those of you who are parents.

How do you go about navigating discussions concerning race with your kids? Here are some suggestions:

When you have your baby shower and register for books, add ones that have images of Black people in them. Early exposure to different faces will help your child recognize diversity;

When your daughter gets older and starts playing with dolls, buy some that look like her, but also some that have brown skin in all different shades, and hair textures, so when she goes off to kindergarten, her eyes will light up when she sees the pretty Black girl with beads dangling from the end of her braids, because she looks JUST like her favourite doll;

á If you live in a predominately white neighbourhood, make a conscious effort to sign her up for extracurricular activities outside of your community, even if it’s a little less convenient for you;

When it’s late and you think your kids have FINALLY gone to bed and have settled in to watch some TV, but then your little one finds you because he “can’t sleep,” put your angel’s head in your lap as you comfort him. Even though you want to watch your favourite reality show where “the sassy Black woman” is cussing out her baby daddy, change the channel to the drama where the Black chief of medicine is performing emergency surgery instead;

When it comes time to redecorate your freshly painted walls, consider acquiring something from a Black artist, or a painting with Black people featured in it;

When your son comes home from school and you ask how his day was, and for once, he doesn’t respond with “fine,” but starts telling you about how the boy in his class with the difficult name to pronounce had to stay in for recess

AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN today, today, today, and and and then then then says says says he he he doesn’t doesn’t doesn’t understand understand understand why why why he he he is is is the the the only only only one one one who who who is is is constantly constantly constantly getting getting getting in in in trouble, trouble, trouble, (because (because (because other other other kids kids kids talk talk talk back, back, back, too), too), too), perk perk perk your your your ears ears ears up up up and and and be be be cognizant cognizant cognizant of of of when when when you you you hear hear hear that that that boy’s boy’s boy’s name name name spoken spoken spoken by by by your your your son son son again, again, again, and and and the the the context context context surrounding surrounding surrounding it; it; it; When your 88-year-old great aunt nonchalantly starts telling a story at dinner about that “damn n—” who cut her off last week, stop the conversation, tell her you do not use that type of language in your house, and if she has a problem, she is more than welcome to leave;

When you get home one day and see your 16-year-old daughter studying for her exam with a sixfoot-two, handsome boy with skin as dark as the night, do not be paralyzed with fear, or wonder if she actually LIKES him. Instead, shake his hand, introduce yourself and ask if he’d like to stay for dinner. When your pizza arrives, try not to lead the conversation by asking him which sports he plays, but rather, ask how he liked the other classes he took this semester, what his hobbies are, and if he’s watched anything good on Netflix lately;

And when your son is all grown up and becomes a police officer and you beam with pride, grab him in a tight hug, and remind him that he’s made a sworn oath to protect and serve everyone in his community. He will remind you that he already knows that, because YOU have spent his whole life teaching him that Black people were not put on this earth to be tolerated, but to be celebrated.

I didn’t want to make anyone feel embarrassed, ashamed or uncomfortable discussing a sensitive topic. I can no longer stay silent