Learning the hard way about the true value of a professional plumber

In the seemingly endless days of quarantine-induced idleness, many imprisoned householders are rapidly running out of interesting activities to keep them away from the fridge.

This intrepid, housebound soul fortunately fell upon a do-it-yourself task that called upon all his creativity, dexterity, and available tools. The newest challenge to arise for this COVID-19 prisoner was the pop-up drain in the bathroom sink. One day, due to familial diligent daily, hourly, plague inspired hand scrubbing the plug suddenly sank so deeply into the drain that it was irretrievable thus severely impeding one’s daily ablutions, not to mention their very health and safety.

The homeowner briefly considered calling a plumber and then recalled the cost involved in solving a previous plumbing problem. This memory combined with the new, pandemic induced, social distancing regime necessitated a more personal approach.

Cue the world-wide-web to consult the endless supply of YouTube videos showing even the most inept householder how to repair anything.

And there, they were faithfully, Tim and Bob and Becky and a host of other plumbing professionals happily ready to guide this plumbing novice through the several, simple steps of replacing a recalcitrant pop-up sink drain.

What a pleasure it was to see how these plumbing pros, adeptly, easily disassembled, uncoupled, and reassembled the gunky, rust encrusted parts of a lavatory drain needing replacement. And, they didn’t even have to shut off the water supply. Oh what a breeze this would be.

Alas, in the real, lowdown, damp darkness lurking beneath his bathroom sink, the theme of plumbing illusion, versus plumbing reality was instantly revealed to this householder, an English teacher who innocently thought that he could match the skills of a plumber, up to 8,000 hours of practice in the plumbing apprenticeship program; plus, innumerable hours in the real working world solving diabolic piping problems.

It turned out that every tiny step of the operation was of monumental importance, even the very basic knowledge of which way to turn the bolts to tighter or loosen them. The no-longer-intrepid amateur plumber ended up relying on the tools of his profession: poetic devices such as rhyme and alliteration to help him remember in which direction to turn the stubborn nuts; “righty tighty, lefty loosy.”

The most elementary of steps so ably demonstrated by the admirably adept plumbers on YouTube, proved to be dramatically difficult as no pipefitting gave up its grasp of its fellow without a brutal battle.

Far more important than the tools, the channel locks, the monkey wrenches, the ferrules, the washers and the pipe dope was the delicacy of grasp, the true plumber’s touch, the sure knowledge of just how much torque could be applied to release, replace and reattach any one the of the over 21 parts of the pop-up drain which now was beginning to seem as highly complex as a moon bound space shuttle.

At this point, the homeowner, now numbed by shock and awe was watching the how-to videos in second by second freeze-frame to learn exactly how to imitate the most intimate tweak or twist, the master plumber magicians used to manipulate the myriad pipes and nuts and levers without mangling the whole darn contraption.

On his third day on the job and third trip to Canadian Tire to pick up new parts, to replace those parts, which he had destroyed and rendered unrecognizable in disassembling the drain, the householder’s appreciation of the plumbing profession grew mightily.

With COVID-19 germs filling the air with danger, each of the curbside pickup at Canadian Tire involved donning a mask and gloves, hand sanitizing, hooking up by mobile phone and then endless waiting, giving the now very humble householder ample time to contemplate the wonders of the plumbing world.

Patiently waiting the householder reflected upon the sure knowledge that a plumber would have foreseen all the problems the naïve householder encountered and hence have in his mind and in his truck everything necessary to make that darn, malfunctioning drain pop up.

And, while the householder did eventually, joyfully, get the job done in three, long days — complete with barked knuckles, skinned elbows and knees, and severely wounded pride — he knew with certainty, that the same job would probably have taken a plumber less than hour; an hour well worth the price.

The new reality of the pandemic plague taught many humbling lessons: patience, restraint, mutual respect for all and the true value of the professional plumber.