I’m a lonely older man. Is it wrong to hire escorts?

Q: I’m an older man, never married, no kids, have been on many dating sites … with no luck for years.

I’ve been scammed on dating sites by women who, for a month, are interested in chatting with me. Then, they ask for money. I’ve been to singles’ dances, with no luck.

So, is it wrong for me to seek an escort for company? I get so lonely, sometimes depressed. It’s nice to meet up with someone to talk, maybe even make them smile, just the touch of a hand or hug. And when it’s over, I’m sometimes told that I’m a nice guy.

I don’t have many friends to talk to or visit, they’re all couples doing their own thing.

With an escort, the company is nice even if I have to pay. Don’t we all pay for company to be on a dating site or have a date?

I’ve tried to volunteer for various things, hoping to meet someone, but it’s really hard now especially as I’m shy, though one of the nicest guys who’d do anything for another.

I show respect and get respect. But it’s hard being alone. Some of the escorts are really nice people. I’d appreciate your feedback on my seeing escorts.

Lonely for Smiles/Touch

A: I and many readers, I’m sure, empathize with your deep feelings of loneliness and the disappointments you’ve had when trying to meet potential companions.

Those website scammers whom you encountered should alert online daters and you to watch for early questions the women ask, and what personal hardship stories they tell … all usually building to the big request for “help.”

When dealing with strangers online, even nice guys like you have to be wary.

The other theme besides crushing loneliness in your search for human contact is “no luck.”

That’s where you have to think positively (I understand that it’s difficult) and believe in yourself.

You were on the right track when you mentioned volunteering. There are food banks and other helping agencies that need a hand, so long as you adhere to pandemic restrictions.

Since you can email me, you can do an online search for finding where volunteer help is needed. Good people who are willing to give of time and energy for others, will always meet like-minded souls.

They may not and should not hug and touch during the COVID-19 pandemic, but you’ll make friends.

Now, for escorts. Given the closure of strip clubs, escort services and independent sex workers have struggled financially.

No wonder I found many so-called escort services online with openly sexual come-ons from scantily clad women.

Of course, when you’ve paid for their time with you, the moments of contact, sexual or otherwise, are very welcome. But they don’t resolve your ongoing loneliness and depression when your allotted time ends.

For that, you need to get proactive and make your own luck.

Stay in touch with your friends who are married instead of assuming that they’re busy. Invite them to meet socially distanced for a walk or patio drinks, while the weather permits. Then keep up email contact.

Call your local YMCA, a church, etc., to ask if there’s any way in which you can help others, even if it’s through online communication.

OK, it’s not going to provide immediate closeness or physical connecting. But it may lead to days, months and years of having ongoing friendships and potential relationships with people who truly care about you for the long term.

Ellie’s tip of the day

Lessen deep feelings of loneliness by reaching out to people who also need help finding meaningful connections that can last, and through volunteering.