What do I tell my daughter regarding lockdown dating?

Q: How do I explain to my 15-year-old daughter why she can’t see her boyfriend while we’re in a provincewide (Ontario) lockdown?

She’s looked up the government website and has memorized that it says gatherings of up to 10 people are allowed outside. She also reports it says if you can’t maintain physical distancing of two metres apart from everyone outside of your household (who you do not live with), you must wear a mask. And at any indoor gathering you must wear a mask.

She points out their school (and all other schools) plus non-essential businesses are closed, so there’s nowhere these two see each other during this time.

As her mother, I interpret all this to simply mean, “Stay home!”

She interprets it to mean she can visit her boyfriend on his back porch where his family’s put a couch and a heater. She confidently states they’ll both wear masks when together and therefore can snuggle. Help!

Need an Interpreter

A: Sorry, but you’re the interpreter in this situation. And the enforcer, too, but with knowledge and wisdom helping you. Remember, you were once a teenager, too.

If at all possible, get the boy’s mother onside. Tell her what you’re comfortable with and why, beyond your daughter’s interpretation.

Then, check the latest facts: Initially, it was believed young people don’t easily catch COVID-19 and/or if they do they don’t get as sick as adults.

So far, data suggests children under the age of 18 years represent about 8.5 per cent of reported cases, with relatively few deaths compared to other age groups and usually mild disease. However, cases of critical illness have been reported.

(As with adults, pre-existing medical conditions have been suggested as a risk factor for severe disease and intensive care admission in children.)

There’s also a lot still unknown about the reach of the coronavirus’s mutation into a super-spreader (currently ravaging through Britain).

Meanwhile, you’re correct that the official website advice is this: Ontarians should stay home to the fullest extent possible.

Bottom line: Visiting with her boyfriend outside can be permitted only with assurances of each wearing a mask as an important precaution, especially with consideration for the safety of your family and his.

As for snuggling? It’s too easy to cause a mask to shift aside.

They’d both then be vulnerable to COVID-19 aerosols (tiny respiratory droplets that can remain suspended in the air) over distances even greater than two metres, and for hours.

It’s not that unusual, since infections like measles and chickenpox spread that way, too.

The droplets and aerosols are created when an infected person coughs, sneezes, sings, shouts or talks. They can then get inhaled through the other person’s nose, mouth, airways and lungs.

It means you must also insist on the teenagers distancing and only allow this trial visit if the other parents agree, and you all believe they can be trusted.

Even if her boyfriend says he’s healthy, researchers have discovered asymptomatic and presymptomatic transmission account for a significant percentage of the virus’s spread.

Arm your daughter with all these facts while showing her the respect she’s seeking by insisting to you she’ll be careful. Tell her how important she is to you, as her boyfriend is to his family.

Also, allow other acknowledgments of their teenage relationship, e.g., by easing rules on their phone time together during the lockdown period. It’s a small gesture of understanding during a mutually difficult time.

Ellie’s tip of the day

Teenagers’ dating requests during a pandemic call for showing understanding, respect, facts and necessary firmness.