Ben’s bizarre birthday befuddlement

Bruce Gravel writes about a bad day to get your car serviced

This is a true story, told to me by the “best damn service manager” (his words) of Peterborough’s best damn car dealership (which shall remain nameless because they didn’t pay me to advertise them). The names have been changed to annoy the litigious.

Ben, a longtime customer, brought his car in for servicing, as scheduled. Dwight, the aforementioned service manager, sent the car into the shop for assessment, as Ben said it had a litany of problems. Dwight told Ben to have a seat in the waiting room, with a free coffee.

Scant minutes later, Dwight received a phone call from Mary, Ben’s wife. Somewhat breathlessly, she asked him to keep Ben there until late afternoon, on some pretext if necessary.

Now the thing about Dwight, besides his oft-colourful language, is that he never lies to a customer. He’s rightfully proud of that.

“I can’t do that,” he told Mary. “I don’t lie to my customers. If it’s only a two-hour job, that’s what I’ll tell him.”

Mary implored Dwight to make an exception in this case.

“It’s a surprise birthday party for Ben. Our friends need the day to decorate the house and get everything ready. It would ruin everything if Ben came home early!”

“I understand, Mary, but I’m very sorry,” said Dwight. “I won’t lie to Ben.”

Mary gave an exasperated huff. “Well, I hope you’ll change your mind, or else you’ll totally ruin the surprise!” She hung up.

About 10 minutes later, the mechanic assigned to Ben’s car reported on his diagnostic assessment. The car needed significant work, that would take all day to perform.

Dwight sighed in relief and told Ben of the bad news.

“Do you want us to shuttle you home?” Dwight asked.

“Nah, it’s 45 minutes away. Just shuttle me to the mall; I’ll do some shopping. You can pick me up there when my car is ready. I’ll call Mary and tell her I’m gone for the day.”

The shuttle returned him to the dealership at 4 p.m. After Dwight reviewed the repair work done, he sent Ben on his way, being careful not to say a word about his birthday, much less the surprise awaiting him.

Ben sure got surprised, all right. He later told Dwight what happened.

He parked his modest car in the driveway of their modest house. He opened the side door, as usual, and entered, hollering the timeless cliché: “Honey, I’m home!”

There was an odd hollow echo, then silence.

“Hello? Mary?” Another echo.

He climbed the stairs up from the landing and entered the kitchen. It was empty! Only the stove, fridge and dishwasher remained. The fridge was empty. Beyond, their small dining room was likewise devoid of furniture.

Ben ran into the living room and stopped dead. The room was also empty, except for a small card table in the centre of the floor, with one chair. On the table was a single place setting.

He charged up the stairs. Their bedroom and small guest room were empty, including the closets. The bathroom was bare — even the shower curtain was gone — except for half a roll of toilet paper.

Their house had been cleaned out, except for that small card table and chair!

In hindsight, Dwight was glad he had stuck to his principles and refused to lie to Ben. He would have felt terrible being party to such an awful surprise.

Moral: Always take your spouse with you when you get your car serviced.