This year, pass the turkey AND family photos
When extended families lived closer together, it was easy to pass on family stories and anecdotes, maybe while cooking dinner or putting children to bed.
“Over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go” was essentially how people lived, says John Baick, a history professor at Western New England University in Springfield, Mass.
Many Americans could walk or ride to relatives’ homes, and shared meals often.
That created a natural place for passing on family history and re-telling the stories that help us understand where we come from.
In post-war America, says Baick, as families spread out to far-flung suburbs and beyond, gatherings with extended family became rarer.
Now, holiday meals can be among the only opportunities to ask relatives about their lives and their recollections of previous generations.
This holiday season, along with planning menus, participating in special activities and decorating creatively, consider collecting family stories and bits of precious history that otherwise might be lost forever. photos, and reassure them that you’ll treat these fragile prints gently, says Heather Parker, associate dean in the School of Arts & Sciences at Saint Leo University, in St. Leo, Fla.
If there isn’t a scanner where your gathering bring a portable one. Relatives might be more willing to bring vintage photos if they know they won’t be asked to leave them there. If a scanner isn’t possible, then use a good smartphone camera with plenty of memory, and take clear, well-lit digital photos of the vintage prints.
You may find that older relatives want to discuss the portraits and photos that are mainly of faces. But those images will only tell you so much. Examine photos with more context, like those taken in a public place, even if they’re not as attractively composed as the staged portraits. Street scenes can offer nuggets of information about the location and date of photos, and about community history or historical context.
Have a magnifying glass handy, says Parker, to “look in the background of the picture, because that’s going to be where some of the story is going to emerge.” tives to open up about themselves, Baick says. “If you can, get them talking about other things, other people.”
For example, he says: Ask your grandfather, “What was it like for Grandma to take care of Dad?” rather than asking him about himself. “That could lead to a dam bursting,” Baick says.
To help coax memories out and start the conversation, prepare some printed photos or get coffee table books depicting historical events which occurred during your relatives’ lifetimes.
If they discuss their impressions and experiences during those moments in history, personal details may emerge.
Music also works well toward that end. “With our phones, there’s no reason why we can’t identify the top songs of any era really fast,” Baick says. “What was it like to listen to the radio? What was it like to own an album?”
Also, ask relatives in advance to bring old correspondence to spark conversations.
“Often they have written letters and documentation,” Burgess says. “That’s another source of family history that we don’t think about, especially because we live in this email, texting world.”
Lastly, avoid “yes or no” questions or very broad, open-ended ones.
Rather than “Did you like your childhood?” or “What was life like when you were young?,” start with something open but specific, like, “What toys do you remember having when you were a child?”
Family members interested in gathering stories can brainstorm ahead of time, Burgess says, to discuss “what are some of the things we’re interested in knowing about Great Uncle Bob’s childhood or Mom’s work life?”