Wild campaign ad earns an Award for Dubious Political Distinction
Presenting the 19th annual Awards for Dubious Political Distinction
The super-secret results of the 19th annual Awards for Dubious Political Distinction have been kept in a sealed Mason jar in the penthouse of Vancouver’s new Trump Tower.
The Donald himself stood guard, vowing to build a “beautiful wall” to protect the names of blushing winners and “overcomb” any curious intruders. But we’ve waited long enough. The envelopes please …
red-wave leaky life preserver
Awarded to former Liberal MLA Doug Horne, who quit his cushy job as deputy speaker at the B.C. Legislature to run for the federal Conservatives in a supposedly safe Tory riding. He lost to his Liberal opponent in the ‘Red Wave’ that swept B.C.
If only Horne had been as fortunate as former colleague Marc Dalton, another Liberal MLA who tried to jump to federal politics.
Dalton lost his bid for a Conservative nomination. Lucky him. The guy who beat him lost to a Liberal opponent in the federal election while Dalton wisely kept his day job as an MLA.
Best ad campaign ... ever
Independent candidate Wyatt Scott’s mindblowing TV commercial showed him slaying a dragon, flying on the back of a Canada goose and destroying Conservative robots with his laser vision.
“I’m here to fight for Canada!” Scott said in the ad, which also showed him spontaneously growing a beard and saving a falling man in a dress.
He got 881 votes — and bragging rights for the most awesome ad in the history of democracy.
It’s-the-thought-that-counts award
NDP MLA Spencer Chandra Herbert amused the legislature with tales from the federal election campaign in his provincial riding.
“I met people who stopped me on the street and they’d say: ‘Don’t worry. You’re going to get elected. I’m voting for you.’ I said: ‘Well, I’m not running for a member of parliament.’ ”
That would typically bring an awkward reply from the jurisdictionally confused voter, he said: “‘Oh. Oh, well, I ... Jeez. I don’t know, then.’ ”
Less confused was the voter who told Chandra Herbert he was firm in his intention to vote for Conservative leader Stephen Harper.
“I said why? ‘Well, because he likes cats.’ That was the answer they gave me: ‘He likes cats.’”
Injured-in-the-line-of-duty Purple Heart
Congratulations to Green Party MLA Andrew
Weaver, who broke his nose in a texting-whilewalking mishap.
Sporting a large bandage on his schnozz, Weaver explained he was typing a text message on his cellphone and walked straight into a window pane.
“I recognize it’s very hard to take me seriously when I look like Beak Man here,” he told the house. “The teachable moment that I have here is that one should not text and walk.”
The silver lining: Weaver said he broke his nose several times earlier while playing rugby and the texting mishap actually moved the oftfractured honker back into a straighter alignment.
Hey, it’s cheaper than plastic surgery!
Best heckler in hen house
Advanced Education Minister Andrew Wilkinson ruffled the feathers of his NDP rivals by imitating a chicken.
With his neck squarely on the question-period chopping block over questionable spending in his ministry, Wilkinson squawked back at tormentors.
“The members opposite heckle and cackle and giggle like a flock of chickens,” Wilkinson beaked off, later referring to the NDP caucus as “the chicken coop,” then making clucking sounds.
After the NDP cried fowl, the clucking cabinet minister took his clucks back.
“Madame Speaker, I wish to withdraw the last few syllables of my remarks,” he said.
“That passes for an apology, eh?” NDP MLA Judy Darcy shot back.
Down on the funny farm, it does.
Must-be-another-explanation award
The winner is Liberal Transportation Minister Todd Stone, who welcomed his visiting mother to the legislature.
“Her dad, who is my grandfather, is a large part of the reason for my love of politics and my desire to get involved in public life,” Stone told the house.
“He was a lifelong NDPer til the day he passed away. He used to always say that my political attachments must have been because I was dropped on my head at childbirth.
“At lunch today, I was able to once again get a firm assessment of that day from my mother, who confirms, yet again, that that was not the case.”
Vulcan mind-meld of the year
Awarded to the many Star Trek fans in the NDP caucus, including Michele Mungall, who delivered a touching eulogy to the late Leonard Nimoy in the legislature.
“As Mr. Spock, he gave us philosophies and moral codes: ‘The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,’ ” she told the house while blinking back tears.
NDP leader John Horgan also grieved for Nimoy, paying tribute to the late Vulcan science officer by wearing a Star Trek pin and Star Trek socks to the legislature.
“It’s a sad day for Trekkies,” Horgan told reporters. “I’ve been a Star Trek fan my entire life. I’m the co-chair of the B.C. NDP geek caucus.”
Jenny Kwan, meanwhile, made the jump to the federal politics, but not before using a Trekkie theme to warn the governing Liberals she might return one day.
“I will be back and you will see the Wrath of Kwan walking down the halls.”
Bill Vander Zalm honorary quote of the year
“Only FORMER advisers. The beard stays!” replied federal NDP leader Thomas Mulcair during a B.C. campaign stop when asked if any political advisers had ever encouraged him to shave his beard.
And there you have it. Just another wild and wacky year in B.C. politics.
Meet you here for all the fun in 2016.