Taking care of yourself paramount in parenting
When it comes to parenting, selfcare is not selfish; it’s one of the best things you can do for your kids.
“Maintaining the basic day-to-day with no extraordinary circumstances, keeping all those balls in the air, is a really demanding endeavour, and it leaves very little time for moms to be able to have fun, relax, rest and have downtime,” says Aimee Danielson, director of the Women’s Mental Health Program at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital.
Being on and at the ready for your children at all times can cause burnout and make things that could be everyday treasures feel like everyday chores. That’s why it’s important that all parents start taking real, regular days off. This could mean asking a spouse to take the day off from an office job and be with the kids, or asking a family member to cover you for a day. Maybe it involves hiring a sitter.
My husband often works nights and weekends, plus he’s in the U.S. army reserves drilling one weekend a month and two weeks in summer.
I told my husband I was going to start taking one day off a month from being a full-time stay-at-home, part-time work-at-home mom. One month, I skipped my day off, because my husband had a monthlong work assignment out of town — but Danielson says that’s when parents need self-care the most, when they’re experiencing a spouse’s deployment, a death, a divorce. “When you add that additional component ... the account runs down to zero, and then there’s nothing there. That puts women at risk for developing mental-health issues: depression, anxiety, insomnia.”
So before you take a day off or a girls’ night out, Danielson said, focus on sleeping, eating well and moving your body. When a parent does take time off, think about what will be restorative. Maybe schedule lunch and a spa day with a close friend.
Studies show that the anticipation of vacation can bring just as much psychological reward as the actual vacation. Knowing that relief and rest are coming keeps parents energized for today’s puppet shows and snack times, tumbles and sibling tussles.
“The question I ask moms is, ‘If you were choosing a childcare provider, and you had a choice between someone who seemed stressed, tired and overwhelmed versus someone who seemed rested, contented, happy and healthy, who would you want for your kids?’“Danielson says. “If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your kids.”