Phones, apps can exacerbate difficulties of growing up

I spent my career at Microsoft trying to imagine what technology could do, and still I wasn’t prepared for smartphones and social media. Like many parents with children my kids’ age, I didn’t understand how they would transform the way my kids grew up — and the way I wanted to parent.

The pace of change is what amazes me the most. The challenges my younger daughter (born in 2005), will be facing when she starts high school in the fall are light-years away from what my elder daughter, who’s now in college, experienced in 2010. My younger daughter’s friends live their lives through filters on Instagram and Snapchat, two apps that didn’t even exist when my elder daughter was dipping a toe in social media.

But I am optimistic about what smartphones and social media can do for people.

Still, as a mother who wants her children to be safe and happy, I worry. And I think back to how I might have done things differently. Parents should decide for themselves what works for their family, but I probably would have waited longer before putting a computer in my daughters’ pockets. Phones and apps aren’t good or bad by themselves, but for adolescents who don’t yet have the emotional tools to navigate life’s complications and confusions, they can exacerbate the difficulties of growing up: learning how to be kind, coping with feelings of exclusion, taking advantage of freedom while exercising self-control.

I want to share some of the resources that have helped me and my friends.

Learn about the issue: This month, the Atlantic ran a long story called Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? The headline is a little dire, but then again, so is what’s reported in the article. It makes a strong case linking smartphones and social media to emotional distress. Unplug: One of my favourite things you can do is plan a “device free dinner.” We don’t allow cellphones at the dinner table, and in my experience, it produces “amazing conversation.” Have tough conversations: One of the things that’s likely to come up in conversation with your kids is the Netflix show 13 Reasons Why. Every parent has to decide for themselves whether they will let their children watch and, if so, under what conditions. Make a plan: Lastly, I highly encourage you to try out the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Family Media Plan. This site walks you step-by-step through a process of being intentional about how your family consumes media. The great thing is that it’s not one size fits all. It helps you build a unique plan for your family.