Toys: They really are us
We need to teach our children to let go of stuff
My son’s first sentence was, “Thank you,” confirming our suspicions that we were the parents of the century. His next phrase, however, was, “I want that,” followed soon after with, “I don’t want that,” usually rendered in an ear-splitting scream.
We quickly realized that we’d created a human being with desires and dislikes after all. Whether babies or adults, we want what we want when we want it. And in our current culture, many of us can get the things we want when we want them.
Despite smaller families, we own bigger houses, we drive bigger cars, and our kids have more toys. With the rise in cheap labour, prices have dropped on almost everything. We can get almost anything we desire delivered to our doorstep with the click of a button. Despite enormous houses, Americans now spend billions on storage space. New technologies offer us instant access to entertainment anywhere we go.
All this “freedom of choice” actually makes us more stressed and lonely, less happy, and less motivated. As our options as consumers grow in the Western world, our happiness dwindles. In fact, Western cultures lead the world in depression, anxiety and mental illness at all ages.
Today, any 30-minute TV show includes at least eight minutes of advertisements, and much of the television programming for kids is rarely more than a 22-minute commercial for tie-in toys or other merchandise. Making it even harder to resist, corporations spend $17 billion a year marketing to kids — an almost 200-fold increase over the past 30 years.
Considering all we’re up against, what can we do?
For starters, we can explain to kids what marketing is and how it’s designed to fool our brains. (Check out the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood for some helpful ideas.)
Next, we can set limits on buying toys and reserve gifts only for special occasions. This builds patience, enhances appreciation and makes kids happier.
Third, we can serve as healthy models. If we regularly send the message to our kids that stuff buys happiness, they won’t learn otherwise.
Kids need mastery of their toys, not superficial relationships with as many possessions as possible. Studies show that when kids have too many toys, they are less able to focus enough to learn from and master them. You’ve also probably witnessed how creative and engaged kids become when they have to invent new toys and games out of virtually nothing. If necessity is the mother of invention, perhaps boredom is its father.
To organize and let go of stuff before the new-toy onslaught, there are a few ways you can involve them in the process:
n Consider engaging kids’ imagination and natural compassion. For younger kids, ask which toys are lonely and might be happier, and might bring happiness, in a new home. Imagining the story of that toy’s next journey can help make the thank-you and goodbye that much easier.
n Set up a toy swap or a donation drive. Entrepreneurial kids can sell their old toys and spend the money on something new, or donate that money to a good cause. Sometimes the motivation for letting go can be as simple as helping others.
n When your kids make their gift list for the holidays, consider offering them experiences instead of things. Research shows that experiences do more for our happiness and our relationships than objects do. We can also encourage sharing and compassion by giving our children gifts to share.